Day: January 19, 2025

I am about to turn 50. It sucks. It really really sucks. I know for some that may sound strange, but the way I see it, I have less usable years ahead of me than I have behind me. In other term, the clock is running out on my life. Sure, I am in a better position than I was when I was, say, 10 and life was consumed by school, sports, and the inability to go anywhere freely because of the lack of personal freedom caused by responsibilities and being a child. However, I still have work, kids, and soon enough, parents to take care of. To add, I don’t have the physical health I did when I was ten and wild and wishing to be free. Facts being what they are, I won’t be tip top when I am 70 or 80 without some incredible advances in agie-mitigating tech and some personal responsibility to fix my body.

When I was a rehab counselor I implored my clients to accept the things they could not change and have the courage to change the things they could. So, let us start with what I can change. Well, I can be healthier. I can eat less junk and fuel my body properly. I can exercise with some regularity. It occurred to me the other day just how much I blame my space for the inability to work out. It is not the fault of the space but merely an excuse that I allow the space to be that barrier. I can get right anywhere if I put my heart and mind to it. That is where my head has been lately–trying to get back to a mental state of self belief and self-empowerment. I am stronger than I have shown myself to be in all aspects.

I am sick and tired of giving in to terrible people and the forces of the world that seek only to oppress and overlook. I have things to say and do, and it is time I recognized that I am running out of time to do them. It is no wonder that the people who I’ve admired the most in their old age seem fearless. They figured out they had to be in order to get what they wanted in the time they had left to do so. There are no makeups or do overs. You get what you want if you go take it. I’m ready to be that taker.

7s season is officially underway. As I pulled through the parking lot 30 miles away from my home I looked around at all of the different forms of flash and how little actual substance was present. There were chartered busses, people pulling up to a dirt lot in high end cars, etc. All of this in service of a 7 on 7 football tourney for high school age kids and below. I realized in that moment that I am done with the coaching life. There is little to no substance there. In fact it is so far from being beneficial to the kids and so deep into the furtherance of hype that I feel it is actually counter productive at times. I am not a fan of the mode and I am less of a fan of the money grab that is created here. My Kid’s team is 22 of 51 heading into the tourney rounds tomorrow. I’ll drop him off, but I have no desire to go to the games.

Some Thoughts:

1. I don’t speak of the ex-wife situation often in this space, because I don’t want it/her to occupy space and energy. However, today’s conflict is a further reminder that some people are all about getting their way–even if that way is entirely separated from reality. I could lay down and take the abuse and foolishness, but I am sick and tired of that being a factor in my life.
2. I certainly need to figure out what the issue is with my hand placement or keyboard for the typing situation. The flow is ruined by the screen suddenly jumping to another place and me typing in the middle of a word or entire paragraphs being highlighted accidentally and then, quite suddenly erased. This is a hinderance.