Month: February 2025

I had a moment today when I had to realize that not everyone lives in the screen space. The Lady Talis doesn’t. She does not understand what it is like to move from screen to screen chasing that high you get in each iteration. I used to think of it as running from something; even hiding from myself. Now I see it for the fix and the feeling that it is. I spend my morning moving from fiction to fiction to fiction. Three iterations of worlds cast on different screens. I rarely slow down to catch a minute of down or human time. That doesn’t bother me. When I need it, I take it. When I want it–when I want to step away from that churn–I take it. But it keeps me going. I use the fictions to create my fiction. Not the content of the game or the show I then switch to, but the energy of it; the knowing that this was created and experiencing that creation as motivation to make my own. That churn keeps me motivated in the cycle. It keeps me away from the natural world and all of its problems and responsibilities. It is hard for someone who doesn’t work like that to really fathom how that works. Even here in explanation I wonder if it makes sense to someone other than me.

I am going to interpret today as a fail. When I go back through this blog in a future Turnback Tuesday and go over my week, there is going to be no other way to interpret this. I did not put in the work I needed to put in today. I started late, I worked very little, and I wrote less than a thousand words on the day. Heck, the production across these ten minutes may rival what I was able to put down over the course of hours writing on this current project. Why? Distractions–internal and external. I struggle at times to maintain focus and get the work done. I do not always have it in me to lock in and follow through on the work. I do not have a space in which I can block out all distractions and be forced to put in that work. I used to experiment with leaving the house to go somewhere else to get locked in, but it costs money to go anywhere beyond my office at work, and the work office comes with its own set of social issues, distractions, and work. The hardest thing for me to do in life is not be distracted and stay zoned in on the writing that I am doing. While I realize this serves as a red flag to those who want to hire me (or read my work) and read this blog, I have to be honest. Heck, ten plus years of the dang blog argues I have been consistently honest about this process and still manage to get through these projects in spite of my personal drawbacks.

I don’t want to get through projects though. I want to be able to maintain focus through a project and get the work done faster so I can generate more projects and have more and better writing experiences. I am tired of being only a middling writer. I need to ball out.

It is hard to experience the politics of the USA without getting a sense of whiplash. So far we’ve offered a claim on the Panama Canal, Canada, Greenland, and Gaza. That last one caught me off guard a little. Gaza?! Why would we assume the world would accept us just snatching up Gaza–or anything else for that matter. I am beginning to fear that all of this craziness is being done on a whim or worse, masking a real motive and opportunity. We know we’ve deployed troops to the border and discussed using special forces to go after the drug trade. If we begin to normalize the other crazy then this will be entirely acceptable in a country where crazy is slowly becoming commonplace.

We are in for a tough few years and a tougher fallout coming out of them.

Some Thoughts:

1. Been playing Dragons Dogma 2 again. It’s okay. I’m having fun. Been a while since a game has been fun.
2. Been having fun watching Shangri-la Frontier as well. It is enjoyable. When did I start worrying about something being “good” vs enjoyable?
3. Also, the Raspberry Racers caught their first medal in the All Stars! They aren’t really in contention to win the thing, but a good showing in the next two could move them from 10 to top 5.

I tasked my Game Studies class with watching the Super Bowl this weekend. They were not pleased. This new crop of students, like the last, is not connected to the sporting world. They are the people of fringe indy games and visual novels. This business of grown ass men slamming into each other at peak velocity is nonsensical–as are the storylines surrounding those actions. Of course, the narrative and the ludology of it all is what we are studying and thus what we are going to be examining in the class… and in the blog.

I think the Eagles win. They are the better team on offense, and they have enough of a defense to make things close. It will be close, but it will not be a low scoring affair if Mr. Barkley has anything to say about it. Facts being what they are, no team has stopped him this season. He’s faced as good as or better defenses than the Chiefs. While they are the 3rd best defense against the run they have been giving up over 100 yards to backs in the post season. Yes, some of that is without Game-wrecker Jones on the field, but in Saquon we trust.

Honestly, for me #26 is the story. I’ve watched the dude since that amazing practice moment at Penn State when his o-line failed him and he still broke off the entire D-line.

It was on from there. He did the same thing throughout a wonderful Giants career and was cast aside because of a plan that backfired on the current administration. Now he has a chance to be great and cement his name in history. Go get yours 26. I’m rooting for you.

I thought about writing about the Bianca Censori nude debacle, but then I wanted to give all parties a moment to sort the nonsense out. The Nude look is not new and ladies have been showing the tatas in force this year. So I guess her lack of bottoms and any so-called illusions normally cast by a slightly not completely clear fabric is removed. Moving on.

This one is actually about Trump. More to the point it is about how different things are moving now vs. a few years back. The issue now is that Trump has people who want to and have the will and skill to make the big moves. So, things are happening. The one I am most focused on is the way Musk is getting backdoor keys to unlock as much of the governments money expenditures–at shut them down–as he likes. That scares me if for no other reason than the people who love America love us for what we provide–be it culturally or financially–and now we are pulling the plug on all of that aid.

We are ruining our world credibility in real time, and I have to watch it happen. Moreover, the Lady and I are getting married in Canada this year and those people are straight pissed at Americans. So there is some concerns that are more personal than political. It is making me into a target for hate that is entirely undeserved.

That is ten minutes of not well thought out reasoning. At this rate I could be the president.

Monday is really the start of my week. It is the day I return to classes and thus the day that ends my weekending and forces me to think in a ‘work-forward’ way. So, here I am on Monday trying out Monday things. I think that I need to be implementing weekly workloads. In other words I need a core list that defines and details that week in terms of responsibilities, word count, etc. By doing so I will be able to look forward across the week, and ‘GSD’ which is my new acronym for Get Shit Done. I am (was going to say have been) spiraling in terms of keeping up with life. I do not write enough (hardly anything) down and thus watch as stuff continues to slip through the cracks. I understand that there are a multitude of things that I cannot control, but I can control what is under my power and I can control making time and space for the things I cannot directly control. It is like when you have a budget and you set aside cash for emergencies. Time can be allocated in the same way. Rainy Day time, so to speak. If I can turn that time into Video Game time (when not otherwise needed) it may help to restore that balance between work and play that has been lost over the course of a year.

So, today begins with a list. It begins with a month list, because this is the start of a new (and shockingly fast and short) month that is inexorably going to set up the next month, which is going to lead into the last month of the work semester. All of this means that I need to be well organized and well regulated in order to hit the goals I have within the span of this time. I have a great deal to look forward to, and I am prepared for none of it. Likewise, I need to set the tone and the example for those kids around me who aren’t handling their own shit.

Some Thoughts:

1. Powerful motivation for a Monday. I’ve been feeling really down these last few days and a little locking in may be the solution to my personal woes.
2. Black History month is happening, but I haven’t been the least bit engaged or involved in it. I need to assess that moving forward–so long as it exists within this new anti-DEI era.
3. Looking forward to the trip to New Orleans. I’m hearing that it is always crazy in certain areas of town and I certainly want to see a bit of the wild, but I hope to see a lot more of the whimsical–meaning the parade scene. A few nights of really good Jazz would be great.

First day without coffee in a while and I rose to find the old familiar behaviours of the post not getting posted due to me not hitting the button. It is a sign. It is usually a sign of me being overwhelmed by the responsibilities I put myself into. In this case it is exactly that alongside a mixture of lack of sleep. I have been sleeping but at odd hours–naps mostly. To add to that, the lack of coffee has me down in the doldrums. Clearly a primary reason I don’t do drugs is because of how easily I get addicted to substances that bring me ease. Also clearly, the root cause of that addiction is a need for ease. I have a tendency to spread myself too thin, and in that I lose focus on the work that means the least to me. I try to stay locked in on the important stuff, and mostly do, but I lose a bit of myself in doing so. If there is no balance then there is eventually going to be a crash. The inability to find a suitable release argues that there is a lack of balance and moreover, a deeper need for reset and relax.

Yet, I feel like I can handle whatever comes. That is the twist here. So long as the Lady Talis and I are good, the rest of the stuff is background noise. My soul remains intact, even if the work isn’t getting the focus it needs or deserves. It stands to reason that a result of this is that some things are just coasted through while others are given the attention I can provide and others are pushed off indefinitely. I have a rack of back burners.

I am planning to shape this upcoming summer into what I need: A respite. Beyond that I do live in a situation where I will be starting, on occasion, to get the peace and quiet I need in order to get myself together.

Jelles Marbles are playing int he background as I write this. I don’t really have a coherent post this evening, so I will stick to…

Some Thoughts:

1. I’ve struggled with organized sports lately. There is a ton of toxicity in them but that is not the issue entirely. It feels like the stories and news surrounding the sport seem rote. There is so much over exposure nowadays that I don’t actually get a chance to miss it or rest from it. Instead it is a constant stream of information that drowns out any and all nuance to the games and makes it seem like you have to remain engaged or you’ll “miss something major!” I won’t though.
2. I am ready to get back into writing fantasy. Except I don’t really have the time to do it. This summer then.
3. Jelles Marbles is frustrating. In truth, watching my specific team suck is frustrating. As it is in all sports.
4. Slow word night. Don’t have the energy for it this evening.