I am not a wealthy man. I think that often when I am considering the life I want to live over the second half of this long and wonderful existence. I continue to wonder about responsibilities and desires and what is best for me and my partner in life and the one kid that remains in the fold. Today I learned about the term Persist in Place. It is, in essence, the fundamental problem in my life and thus relationship right now. We (especially I) have not settled into the idea of where we are at. In fact, I openly refuse to reflect on home as home as opposed to the place I live and work. My partner, who is of the PiP mind struggles even more as a result of my open refusal. How can you build a life and a routine if the person who shares that life is actively working against any routine that includes or even focuses on place.
As of late I’ve been on the family plot in Tennessee. As mentioned in previous posts, life is better here. Life is different here. It isn’t just because I don’t spend my hours cleaning up after other people. In fact, the mode here is to willfully clean up after animals who won’t clean up after themselves. This is the way of the land. Yet when left to do these chores for do-nothing kids, it feels rather different and empty.
The main difference is that we are always working towards something. We are always in pursuit of a goal, be it those daily chores or the higher mission of building this second house or preparing for a party or maintaining and even improving the grounds. It is like when I disappear into my minecraft worlds to build something I am proud of, but it is happening in real life.
As I settle in here I am learning more about the concept of settling in and learning that I need to be able to give that a chance in Arizona. I hate where I live, largely because I can find little to no purpose in the space and even less meaning. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It just means I actively refuse to look.