It isn’t New Year’s but it is time for a hard reset.
Over the last few months I have stood by as my health declined, my motivation declined, and my writing ability slipped to a sliver of what it was. Overworked? Sure, that is part of it. Lack of prioritization, bad home environment, lack of human connections outside of the home, bad inputs re: fiction.. the list goes on. It all sums up neatly into: I’m not living right. That really has to change and waiting for a particular date doesn’t feel apt.
I can tell you that part of the problem is embarrassment. I don’t feel the least bit safe and secure working out in front of people and I live in a space where people are always there. So that helps my unmotivated ass to not do what needs doing. In terms of the words, I feel overwhelmed. When I feel like that I find anything else to focus on. Usually it is the quick dopamine hit of games. Then I sink deeply into those games… for days. Laziness is a coping mechanism.
I need to go back to the drawing board and accept the things I cannot change and have the courage and will to change the things that I can. This is easier said than done, but nothing worth doing is easy… as cliche and ‘catchy’ or ‘pithy’ as these sayings are they do possess a fair amount of truth juice. Here is the truth: I want to be a better version of myself and the only thing stopping me is me.