I’m starting this one early in the day. I did this the last few days, mostly for a feeling of completion in a time where I feel like I am spiraling (spinning my wheels, to mix metaphors) towards some low order sense of oblivion. I seem to be focused on getting to the part of the day where I am sitting with my partner and playing Upwords. This is the daily touchstone. Anything leading to or from that feels less like solid ground. I don’t know why. I suspect it is because of the amount of change and travel and uncertainty all around me that I am mentally holding on to the one thing that doesn’t ever change as a mooring point for my day to day reality. That is supported by the fact that I often don’t even know what day it actually is.
Today is Sunday. I know that because I received an alert that I have homework due tonight. Also another that I have a meeting tomorrow–which the app told me happens to be Monday. What sort of life do I lead that takes that level of deconstructive analysis to realize what day of the week I am on? So, it does truly appear as if my life is in desperate need of a scheduling fix. I need to figure out regular times and spaces for things and stick to it. As we know, sticking to it is an extreme weak point for me due to laziness and a not-so-latent obsession with video games. Yet, if I don’t lock in and find some measure of schedule, I cannot find any measure of balance. The latter is what is going to help me rediscover that kindle of motivation to be more than the saggy man I am today.
Maybe it happens. I hope/want it to happen. If I am following “the way” then it is up to me to make it happen. So far it has not.
Some Thoughts:
- Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Florida hospital sues to evict a patient who won’t leave room 5 months after discharge” There was a guy in New York City who did this in a hotel, but a hospital? Bro, the cost has to be astronomical for this lady… Also, what sort of mental issues are at play here, I wonder?
- Also This: “College Republicans sue University of Florida’s president over deactivation of its chapter” I am really getting tired of the white victimhood narrative that is shaping American identity. It is old, tired, and absolutely full of shit.