Recently I wrote at length about the concept of garbage in, garbage out, and the flailing sense I’ve been having about the writing that I do. There are of course a number of factors tied to this. Take for example the fact that I had to buy my own damn first novel and I’m likely about to buy the second one without having actually been paid for writing it, in spite of it being published 6 months ago. The lack of payment hurts (and is more and more likely to lead to legal action). What bothers me more is that I can see that who I am around is not great.
There is a saying I love: Look at your inner circle. If you don’t find anyone who inspires you, then you need a new circle. I need a new circle of writers. The more people who enter the circle, the less inspired I am to continue. In truth, I am rarely inspired by the professional writers I am around. I can name one guy, and he’s already shifted his focus to a different imprint. He saw the real before I did and got himself moving. Now I need to get moving on solo projects and loading my mind up with deeper and more nuanced understanding, so that I can be the best remaining version of myself.
Yeah, I said it that way. I can never be the energized excited writer I was twenty five years ago. Somewhere along the way that guy withered and died. I think it was probably back before the blog when I was playing football at the semi-pro club level and lamenting the life taking shape around me. Those dark years messed me up in a way that feels, at this point, unrecoverable.
Doesn’t mean that there isn’t anything left. I need to find that bit that is left and feed it and bring it to life.
Some Thoughts:
- Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “A note a former cellmate says he found after Epstein’s suspected suicide attempt is released” I hope we look back at this moment in time and really think about why the Epstein files became the biggest thing in the “white” world. This is an incredibly strange phenomenon. I get that this is a big deal, but I don’t really understand how it has been so politicized in various ways by the same political party. It makes the entire thing feel like bullcrap. Few actually care about the women who suffered. Most care about the fallout and who it brings down.