I was reading a student paper when I had what Jay-Z would describe as a moment of clarity. I saw in the student this deeper level of joy and understanding about her daily life that opened me up to understanding what makes me happy and what does not.
Here is this thing: Not all people are suited for all things. I learned straight away that I didn’t have the patience for Wall Street, the temperament for Law School, or the raging desire of a professional athlete. However, I stopped there. I didn’t make that quantum leap of understanding to realize that this rule applies to more than our professional lives. In every aspect of being a person in this world there are things we are suited for and things we are not. To be complete means having all of those needs met/bases covered in a way that allows you to grow as a human every day. Conversely, to be incomplete means to be trapped in doldrums, failing to advance yourself in any positive way. I’ve fallen into this sense of incompleteness time and time again, wasting hours sitting in front of a TV flipping channels in search of a sense of completion.
I am not terribly self-aware. I notice tendencies in others long before I recognize that I’m seeing a reflection of what is missing in myself. When that student wrote about the beauty and joy she felt in the simple activity of making snacks for her kid’s soccer team I thought, wow she is really right for that role. Then I thought, who fills the roles I need in my own life?
The people in our lives complete us in some way. If they don’t they tend to feel extraneous or even cumbersome and slough off like so much dead skin. Those who we need burn like lighthouses on a stretch of sea. Moreover, I fear that people can come into your life in the wrong role or that roles can change over time. Reality is not static. It shifts and jumps and rolls and bubbles up beneath you in ways too hard to predict. I think the key for me is to always be evaluating where I am at, what I need, and how all of that comes together. In a sense, I feel like people need to be more like businesses, always working to find what and who works best for them in order to allow them to grow.