I am suffering from all of the physical and mental indicators of high stress. Like all of them. At least, this is according to WebMD, which has on multiple occasions led me to a diagnosis of one cancer or another. So, maybe this is not entirely accurate. Still, here is what I am dealing with:
- Becoming easily agitated, frustrated, and moody
- Feeling overwhelmed, like you are losing control or need to take control
- Having difficulty relaxing and quieting your mind
- Feeling bad about yourself (low self-esteem), lonely, worthless, and depressed
- Avoiding others
- Low energy
- Upset stomach,
- Aches, pains, and tense muscles
- Chest pain and rapid heartbeat
- Insomnia
- Constant worrying
- Racing thoughts
- Forgetfulness and disorganization
- Inability to focus
- Poor judgment
- Being pessimistic or seeing only the negative side
- Changes in appetite — either not eating or eating too much
- Procrastinating and avoiding responsibilities
- Exhibiting more nervous behaviors, such as pacing
So while it is not cancer this time it is surely stress. What do I do about it? Honestly, I feel as if there is nothing to do but watch it build until I explode in a big wet pile o’ Talis. So, I’m waiting for that to happen. In the meanwhile I will continue to dig in and try to get through the days. The biggest problem is that I cannot make the world right for the people I love the most. That weight sits on my chest and makes everything else feel desperate.
Not the brightest evening of blogging, but the beauty of the written word is that you come to the blank page as you are and you pour yourself into it. You let the world feel through your skin.