The term I came up with is ‘immeasurably drained’. My partner is leaning towards depression as a more apt term. Broken seems to encompass all of that. The blog has gone really dark and that was never the intent. I’m in a bit of a funk and cannot for the life of me figure a way out. Usually completing something (anything) serves as a jumpstart. I have some writing I MUST complete, some crafting I have an opportunity to finish, a playbook (which it seems more and more like will never ever get used) that I am a 4th of the way there on. All of these are projects I can and will continue. None of it feels magical or right or is serving to improve any measure of happiness at present. So, I am stuck wondering what, if anything, to do about it all.
Obviously I gotta do something. Cannot be funky forever. One thing is to try to get a little healthier. Over the last few days I have eaten a grand total of 4 meals. That is a correctable offense. I can also get back to the gym. Those two things will help, but I don’t see them lifting me up.
Got a notebook today with the intention of writing stuff down/making daily plans. Maybe that helps. In essence this is quickly becoming a treatise on how to survive lethargy (read: probable depression). Some of it may be self sabotage, but I really don’t have an honest understanding of what/how that works. Yes, things were going well and on the surface they still are going well. It is the interior corrosion that is making the well seem not so. Which, I suppose defines self sabotage.
What really gets me is that I am supposed to be on vacation. This is supposed to be the heart of my vacation season and it feels less like that and more like a draining period that is not going to have/leave me fresh for the work to come. Moreover, I don’t know what to do about it.
Some Thoughts:
- Nope, no real thoughts either…