While this Covid experience has many drawbacks it also has many benefits. It also has many unintended side effects. One of which is the strain it puts on individuals from an existential standpoint. I feel it in my household where everyone over the age of 20 is struggling with the ancient questions of who am I, and what am I doing with this gift of existence? The rest are playing Fortnite.
Honestly, I wish I had the mindset to be in the latter category. It is so easy to fall into the rhythm of gaming and other distractions and not consider life itself and by extension, death. I’ve found in my household that such considerations lead inexorably to disappointment. Everyone here of a certain age is sad or lost or some combination of the two. My own sadness comes from their sadness, because I feel very differently about this entire thing. I feel as though this is in many ways an opportunity to grow and to probe deeper into discovering myself as a writer (for as long as I continue being such) and, yeah, to enjoy the distraction of video games and new old shows from time to time. We established yesterday that I am selfish, but I am not an unfeeling swine, so I am quite fully sad at all of what is happening around me and feeling a great deal of guilt at the very idea of wanting to be happy and from the moments of happiness I do find be it through story, or game, or show, or what have you.
Overall, the arc of my life is trending towards disappointment, but maybe that is entirely my fault and the quicker I abandon the things I believe matter (but nobody else does) the quicker I will adopt a new life and level of joy.
Some Thoughts:
- I missed freewrite friday.