Have you ever heard the phrase ‘sucks to suck’? It is a common refrain that reminds me that the majority is comfortable being negative more than positive. I believe a great deal of that comes from the safety of negativity. Happy makes you vulnerable. Happy is what other people want. Making other people happy makes you a target in that same fashion. Yet, there is so much more power and strength and love (which this is all ultimately about in my opinion). I say all this to say that my life ought to be a square built around the concept of making the key person in my life happy.
I have not done that very well.
Much of that is about not fully appreciating how to make her happy. It happens in moments and glimpses. It occurs naturally, though it may feel unnatural in context of the other actions and activities in my life. In other words, so much of my life is geared around the things that bring me pleasure, which are anathema to the most important person in my life. It feels like a strange tug of war and I fight for an equilibrium every day. I lose every day.
I’d like a win. It would feel nice. It does feel nice to make the people I love happy. That makes me feel good. It does feel good to feel good.