Tough week. One of the hardest of my life emotionally. I’ve had cause to face several difficult truths about myself and my relationships and how very frightfully small the circle of people who really care for me and have my back is. 4. That number is 4. Mind you, I have 6 kids and a partner. I even have at least one living parent and a brother who is more blood than blood.
4. that’s a rough reality to face and made rougher by the fact that I’ve created the situation myself by not being the best to people and not being the best possible version of myself.
I actively tried to bring that number to 3 recently with some very destructive behaviors. This isn’t the first time. I broke up with a girl I was definitely and completely in love with in high school because I got scared that she didn’t love me as much as I did her. Fear makes me very stupid and I’ve spent a life living with the consequences of a seemingly endless string of fear-derived actions.
what am I so afraid of? If it’s being alone then I’m getting there quite easily anyhow.