My partner keeps asking me what I want to do on my bday and what would make it right. Being 20 years more vital? I don’t think it is in the cards. I feel very old and I don’t like how it feels to feel old and not so wise. I expected to have done more and perhaps to be more than I am at this age. I did not consider the 40s at all really. I thought about 50 and how that would be fantastically old. But here on the cusp of it I feel mentally like a child and physically like a aged man.
I wanted more from my life by now and I did not get it. Only, the more I wanted seems to be money and perhaps travel. Not to speak of fault but possibility: what do the next 5 years hold?