Or flailing at least. I am in that space between being productive and allowing myself to drown in a sea of leisure. As previously described, I live in a house of leisure. The Lady Talis is the sole light of effort around me, but her light points to the physical. She doesn’t want to sit behind a desk for hours and grind. Neither do I, whereas I used to. I don’t think that love is gone but the desire has faded quite a bit in light of all the leisure, distractions, and ultimately the lack of willpower to resist the people I’ve surrounded myself with who have no clear desire to do more than exactly what they are doing right now and often cannot fathom why one would want to do more or put in more effort for more than the bare minimum–especially in regards to what is outside of their own desire or comfort zone.
Yes, in some ways I’m talking about being a father to growing boys. But I am also talking about being a professor both student facing and faculty facing. People get comfortable. People decide they don’t want to do more than what they want to do. Growth mindset curls and dies. I’ve been fighting this uphill battle for years and I am losing badly at this point. I’m losing on multiple fronts, I think. It isn’t clear what it will take to get right.
Some Thoughts:
- Found a baby turtle on the side of our house. I suspect it belongs to the turtles the neighbors across the street own. Shocked it made it all the way across the road.