Month: January 2025

Usually Tuesday is a time to look back, but I am not feeling it tonight. I didn’t really know what to look back towards. So, I thought I would wander through…

Some Thoughts:

1. Jelles Marble league keeps coming up with fun ways to race marbles and make the competition fun and exciting. Now they’ve just dropped Marble League All Stars–16 teams who’ve been champs or are carrying heavy hype in some way. The Raspberry Racers, who won it all in 19′ are featured as the #3 seed. Episode one (Bobsled) dropped. World, I give you Marbles.
2. Sports are really spiraling now. I need to do a ten minute feature on the recruiting stuff. For now I will just say that it makes more sense for a talented player to collect millions in 4 years of college then it does to try to have a ten year career and continue over that time frame to risk injury.
3. School is going a lot better than expected given the level of preparation. I didn’t get myself right this semester, but as I am preparing over this and last week, I have managed to come up with some solid elements for the class. I need to take another week to get it all locked into place.
4. Getting things locked in and getting a rhythm going has been difficult. It also has failed to be a priority in my daily existence. There are two schedules–each reflective of whether or not I have the kid with me. It changes when he is here, because of the transit times. I need to be mindful of how to use and manage that time as well as how to account for the ‘extra’ hours when I am not focused on getting him where he needs to be and getting him right.
5. Trump is in Charge. He’s already dipping his toe into assholery.

Well, it is here. Finally.

Let me start by saying I am not a Trump supporter. Given the way things are going, this proclamation will likely draw the attention of internet audits and have me watched and otherwise monitored for the rest of this type of administration. The dividing lines in America have been clearly drawn. MAGA or no. It isn’t even about Republican or Democrat. It is about who remains loyal to the All-father and who is gonna get got. I am no loyalist. I was even able to remain sensible about the Obama Administration which this Administration seeks to be in terms of popularity. However, this Administration is through a lens darkly and clouded by lies. So this is how it is now. On Day 1 we lost Mt. Denali and the Gulf Of Mexico. I am waiting to see how much of the Project 2025 resolutions are dropped in by end of day.

Four years is a long time. It is, in fact, most of the remainder of my career as an Arizona College Professor. I can do 4 years. I may even need to do 5. I won’t do 8 or 12 or whatever this Admin hopes to push forward. Even if it isn’t Trump at the fore, there are enough people and enough of a movement here to be long lasting and greatly damaging to the American reputation moving forward. So, I have these next years to decide what to do and prepare to do it. Leaving is an option. Where to go is a question. I will get retirement, but I will still need to work. So, I need to develop a plan to get the MFA needed in order to continue to do so at another (likely international) locale.

Some Thoughts:

1. Lots to say about football this Wednesday. Prepare for a mighty Waiver.
2. That is enough of the words for now…

I am about to turn 50. It sucks. It really really sucks. I know for some that may sound strange, but the way I see it, I have less usable years ahead of me than I have behind me. In other term, the clock is running out on my life. Sure, I am in a better position than I was when I was, say, 10 and life was consumed by school, sports, and the inability to go anywhere freely because of the lack of personal freedom caused by responsibilities and being a child. However, I still have work, kids, and soon enough, parents to take care of. To add, I don’t have the physical health I did when I was ten and wild and wishing to be free. Facts being what they are, I won’t be tip top when I am 70 or 80 without some incredible advances in agie-mitigating tech and some personal responsibility to fix my body.

When I was a rehab counselor I implored my clients to accept the things they could not change and have the courage to change the things they could. So, let us start with what I can change. Well, I can be healthier. I can eat less junk and fuel my body properly. I can exercise with some regularity. It occurred to me the other day just how much I blame my space for the inability to work out. It is not the fault of the space but merely an excuse that I allow the space to be that barrier. I can get right anywhere if I put my heart and mind to it. That is where my head has been lately–trying to get back to a mental state of self belief and self-empowerment. I am stronger than I have shown myself to be in all aspects.

I am sick and tired of giving in to terrible people and the forces of the world that seek only to oppress and overlook. I have things to say and do, and it is time I recognized that I am running out of time to do them. It is no wonder that the people who I’ve admired the most in their old age seem fearless. They figured out they had to be in order to get what they wanted in the time they had left to do so. There are no makeups or do overs. You get what you want if you go take it. I’m ready to be that taker.

7s season is officially underway. As I pulled through the parking lot 30 miles away from my home I looked around at all of the different forms of flash and how little actual substance was present. There were chartered busses, people pulling up to a dirt lot in high end cars, etc. All of this in service of a 7 on 7 football tourney for high school age kids and below. I realized in that moment that I am done with the coaching life. There is little to no substance there. In fact it is so far from being beneficial to the kids and so deep into the furtherance of hype that I feel it is actually counter productive at times. I am not a fan of the mode and I am less of a fan of the money grab that is created here. My Kid’s team is 22 of 51 heading into the tourney rounds tomorrow. I’ll drop him off, but I have no desire to go to the games.

Some Thoughts:

1. I don’t speak of the ex-wife situation often in this space, because I don’t want it/her to occupy space and energy. However, today’s conflict is a further reminder that some people are all about getting their way–even if that way is entirely separated from reality. I could lay down and take the abuse and foolishness, but I am sick and tired of that being a factor in my life.
2. I certainly need to figure out what the issue is with my hand placement or keyboard for the typing situation. The flow is ruined by the screen suddenly jumping to another place and me typing in the middle of a word or entire paragraphs being highlighted accidentally and then, quite suddenly erased. This is a hinderance.

Writer’s write. That is pretty much the gig. Where it gets complicated is in the ‘having something to say’. I feel like I am in a space right now where I do have stories to tell and in some there is that greater and larger message. Others are really fun or interesting rabbit holes I’d like to travel down. The key here is that I do have stories to tell, and that is an evolution (or return) from where I have been for a while now. That makes me feel really good, because I was in a place where I did not think I had stories left in me. Here now I know that the Shadowrun Trilogy I am writing is in fact a trilogy and not a one-off as I assumed. I have more stories that need telling in that world. I have the Torathae–My fantasy world. I have a modern sci-fi story that is starting to feel more and more real each day, so I need to get that one finished before it starts to read like a history text.

Those are the big three. The thing is, those are no longer the only three. I may not be at the Idea Archive level anymore, but I want to tell stories. I want to find new stories to tell and grow from that experience. I never stopped loving being a writer, but I stopped being in love with being a writer and even knowing how to do that in my life. I am learning my way back and in that my way forward.

Some Thoughts:

1. Really struggling with the laptop lately. I don’t know if this is a hand placement issue or a mousepad situation, but I am having trouble with jumping off the page–The pad feels incredibly sensitive and when I type in the middle part of the keyboard I often end up swiping the pad and erasing words or jumping off the window entirely. This is not good.

I decided to take an earlier stab at the blog situation this morning. It’s 9:30 AM and in the background one of my kids is walking around trying to decide if he wants to watch TV or play a video game. Big life choices are happening daily here. I think that is what inspired me to get to the blog right away: the stillness. Nobody here appears to be going anywhere. My youngest and oldest boys are engaging in mirror behaviors and are basically running in place if I am being honest about the situation. The older one spends upwards of 8 hours a day playing video games and watching shows. Occasionally he goes to work, but his job doesn’t approach full time, nor has he considered supplementing that work with any additional employment, mostly because he doesn’t have to. If he were out on his own he would not make enough money to survive. However, he lives at home and can work part time hours gaining experience in his degree field and waiting patiently for the right opportunity to emerge where he can get a full time job in his degree field. His kid brother is still in High School and still expecting to be a professional football player yet not putting in the work and energy required off-field to make that happen. It feels like both of these kids are waiting around for life to open doors for them, and we parents are creating the conditions for them to grow lazy and comfortable in the habit of doing that. Heck, they don’t even take the trash without explicitly being asked to do so–a small but meaningful gesture that would at least allow me to believe that they get that our contributions matter and furthermore that they should themselves be contributing in some fashion as a form of mutual responsibility to this space in which they occupy or at least as some basic form of recompense.

This isn’t what I was planning to blog about but it wound up taking half my time… I was actually thinking about the past–specifically I was thinking about how I used to do Idea Archives and how it felt to be so overflowing with ideas to write about. Lately I have felt like I do have good stories to tell, but I am far from overflowing with ideas. Heck, I am trying to force a ton of content out mainly because I spend time working and writing for money as opposed to pursuing the passion projects. When work comes up it is a matter if if I can do it successfully as opposed to if I feel good about or passionate about the particular assignment. In that sense I am more of a spec writer anymore than a fictionalist. I want that to change. I want a lot more balance in my writing life–which doesn’t mean less spec writing, but means more writing in general in order to have access to the projects I want to write on my own.

What are those? Let’s talk Friday.

Time for some good old fashioned football talk. Let me start out by saying Sam Darnold is who we thought he was. That would be: A scrub. Seriously. Daniel Jones could’ve won that game. He sold the bag by holding the ball too long and missing easy passes once flustered. Yes, I too am a scrub, but takes one to know one, right? Seriously. There is a level of expectation that comes with an NFL job and too many guys that look like Darnold physically get the shot whereas QBs of a different stature or ones classed as runners get crapped on. Let’s not forget this man was drafted ahead of Lamar Jackson. So was Josh Rosen. So was Baker Mayfield and Josh Allen… I see you Amon-Ra St Brown. All that tells me is these professionals get swayed by the media coverage and the hype. College is no different. 5 Stars doesn’t really mean the kid is necessarily that guy. Sometimes it can. Sometimes it don’t.

Lamar is that guy and he’s going to be putting up big numbers against the Bills. It is going to be close, but that Baltimore run game is too strong. I give it to the Ravens. I give it to the Chiefs too. They have a legit D and Houston is out of weapons. Oh, and Patrick Mahomes is blessed. On the NFC side, Saquon is doing Saquon things behind that beauty of an O-line. They too legit to go down now. As for the Detroit matchup, it also does not matter. The Eagles-Lions Cat v Bird fight is happening on the 26th regardless. We can talk about next week next week, because I don’t know who is going to emerge from the conference finals. I’d put cash on ‘Quon tho.

Some Thoughts:

1. Mousepad sensitivity is on 12. I keep finding myself typing on a different part of the screen because my hands hover above the pad. Too much. It is not only slowing me down but it is crazy disorienting and makes me type funny.
2. I finally understand the term “get a life”

It is that time again. Let’s turn back to 2647 where I considered the larger ideas that Trump reflected:

We are an impermanent culture. It is in every commercial, every holiday, heck, it is even engrained in our churches and schools. Look around you. It is more common to find a brand new church building filled with the latest tech toys than it is to find and old brick and mortar institution. Schools are racing to build themselves up in the same fashion. It is a lot like our cellphone plans where you hold on to a model for a while and then give it back when the next one comes out. Same is true of our clothing. I can’t name ten items I own that are more than a decade old. All of this new and disposableness we allow is a sort of privilege because it creates an expectation that we need the newest and hottest and we, the American people, deserve only the best. 

~On Trump and Privilege (2647)

Today I drove alongside a car piloted by an older white gentleman. As he gunned his engine angrily to get in front of me, subsequently breaking to cut me off, I noticed the Declaration of Independence sticker covering his entire rear window. He isn’t original or even particularly interesting, but instead is reflective of a growing force of people of all ages who are tapping into a philosophy of American preeminence, and even above that the idea that a certain kind of American is entitled to more and entitled to the rights of leadership and majority rule. In truth, that American (and I am using the term to specifically speak of the USA here) is a minority now, but has the voice, money, and time to present as a majority. Moreover, they can further that false majority because they hold so many positions of power in the government and most Americans simply do not care or have already checked out.

Case and point, Hr.369 was recently introduced to Congress. The bill is entitled, “To provide for the elimination of the Department of Education, and for other purposes.” There is no text to the bill, but the title says a lot. I still want to know what these proposed ‘other purposes are’ but I don’t want to get lost in seeing the elimination of the DoE. Here’s the thing: when I said this was a problem back in 2647 I had no clue there would be such widespread buy in. Now it is beginning to feel like a society limping towards its final destination and that place is ultimately a darkness.

Neil Gaiman is cooked.

In what appears to be another wave of brave women coming forward to out powerful and or noteworthy men, Gaiman is being accused by 9 women of sexual assault. I’m going to be honest, some of these claims leave me wondering how (and why) the women allowed themselves to continue to be abused in this manner. One woman got into a situation where he climbed naked into a tub with her (uninvited), abused her, and she continued to work for him. I definitely chalk it up to aura. It feels like powerful people woo you in a way that makes you feel like you need to endure their behaviour or worse still, it may be your fault it is happening. That is terrible and an awful thing to have to think about on a daily basis.

I love Gaiman’s writing. I feel strange about that to a certain extent. I feel like loving the product is somewhat impacted by the man. It bugs me to no end that he’s a pig. He’s still a great writer. That being said, this will probably end him. He won’t be able to release new fiction under his own name. That name is mud.

Meanwhile, what happened to Cori Clingman? The woman identified as being responsible for the death of three men (including an NFL rookie) was not charged in the crime despite clearly being noted as speeding and driving in an otherwise illegal manner. Not everyone gets justice it seems.

It is almost 6 in the AM and I’ve been up most of the night. The transition through time zones is harder on me this time. I cannot say for sure what makes it such–age, the amount of time, mental state–but I can say without question that I am struggling to find footing here in the States. I worked a solid three hours yesterday prepping a few classes and that was all I had the mental energy to achieve. I am worried about today, because tomorrow I start a whirlwind of classes and I don’t want to start off balance. I don’t want to start a semester not knowing what the gameplan is for the semester and needing to later change it up. That is what leads to running out of gas in a semester and realizing you are completely burned out on teaching. Burn out actually starts in the lead up. For me there is so much transition that happens off semester that I rarely get back into place ready to go. That isn’t changing. I’m about to have a wedding days before the fall semester gets started. The Lady Talis is already thinking about where we are jetting off to next Christmas which argues that I won’t be on solid ground for the foreseeable future.

The answer, I believe, is in either learning to live like this by settling into the reality of what these shifts mean and discovering a pattern of organization that preempts situations like I am in now, or changing that reality in a major way that avoids these situations. I don’t know that change without constant travel/exploration is going to be a life the Lady wants. It would be a life I want if we were in another place–though I don’t know where that place would be.

This is how and why I end up back into the conversation of needing more wealth. It often feels like money would solve most of my problems in life. It definitely would ease my tensions and create the conditions for a space we could be happy with. Still, this it not to same I am ungrateful for what I have and what we have worked for. In my heart there is nothing wrong with wanting more. It doesn’t mean you are not happy with what you have. It means that there are tensions and in my life there certainly are.