I don’t need to go back very far into the catalogue to talk about a moment that resonates. I just need to look to Failure Mode. Back at 7.345 I talked about how I was in a state of decline which felt more like a state of depression and hopelessness than anything else. Sadly, this is part of the cycle of my life. I work to get my head above water, then I take a deep breath and start to drown again. I can never quite stay at the surface, because I always have too much happening in my life to feel like I have the space to float and even breathe. Honestly, the sports stuff feels like pile on. There is little truth to the teams I like worsening as a result of my liking. That’s the ego speaking out loud. On an high note, at least I still possess said ego. Often I wonder if it even exists.
I don’t have my crap together. This is a known fact. I can attribute it to lack of balance in some sense, but more realistically the problem revolves around a failure to develop and maintain a healthy schedule that I’ll stick to in every single aspect of my life. I am an indulgent person, and at 48 going on 12, that indulgence does not quit. The facts being what they are, I need to start from zero and move towards a new normal that embraces place, brings focus to what is actually important in my life and brings the time to truly grow as an individual, because failure mode is a clear indication that I have been wilting for too long, and I don’t have the systems in place to nourish me or my home or my family.