I wonder how I look to other people. I know that in the weekend games I am one of the last picked and one of the most avoided offensive targets, often pushed off to play lineman. So in this case I am seen as as a scrub–especially given my inability to block. On the other hand, I am the smartest guy on the field (and not very humble) and I can learn any position they throw at me. An offensive guy all my life, I find that I play more and more defense ball with these guys and I’ve struggled.
But that is tangential. See, I know they feel like I am slow and old, but I only partially feel it. I want to record myself running routes, so I can see my speed and improve it. All the reading I do about the subject is useless if I don’t actually get out there and do some running. Who knows when? Heck, I can hardly find time to add new things to my plate. And time, as always, is running out.
I also wish I could see myself from the student perspective. Ratemyprofessor helps, but that is overwhelmingly negative. Maybe that is the whole story, but I feel like a lot of students do not have the desire to post unless angry, so while there is a lot of bad, there is little good and that is fine for the medium. I wonder how the coworkers view me, but there is hardly a way to tell there.
I suppose I can worry and wonder for all of my life, but I can never really know. So, what is the point of worrying?