Rough Sunday in more ways to count. I am trying to get away from gaming so much. This means cold turkey on Clash Royale again. It is a highly addictive game that sucks up a solid 4-5 hours of my life each week. In general there is a concern that I spend too much of my time on video games, but to me the real problem is that I spend too much time on games that don’t actually fulfill me or move the needle in any legitimate direction. They are just sucking up time and oxygen. I won’t quit games. Heck, I teach game narrative professionally, so quitting games would be flat out silly. Instead, I am going to try and find better games and try to use my time better.
The key is to do the most with what you have. Occasionally that means sitting in the dark with your partner and letting life move around you. Often it means finding a way to move forward in life with a partner. I’ve been struggling with that lately, mostly because it is not exactly how I operated in my marriage or at any time prior to that. I’ve been reminded that I haven’t operated in that fashion at all, which is devastating to hear, but honesty builds strong relationships. I am working on being more honest with myself about my wants and needs and habits and tendencies, which is how I recognize this longstanding failure to plan and or think about life in terms of ‘we’. Looking back through my blog it has been a bunch of ‘lets get XYZ to their destination and then I’ll just live whatever life she wants to live’ as if taking turns is the way to plan and live a life. It isn’t and knowing that is helpful. Knowing where to go from there would be more helpful.
At least I’ve risen from the depression phase to the point where I can be mildly productive. The problem is that I have been so bloody unproductive that mild production is not going to cut it. I’m going to have to work my butt off. This boom bust cycle is not a long term solution. So, here is to finding some balance–some flat earth.