10 Minute Rule

This used to be the freewrite Friday. I need to get back to it because that was a vibe. It was a way to lock in on the writing and be creative every single week. I have not been creative on a weekly basis like that in some time. Doing it is how I keep my mind sharp and start moving back towards stories I care about telling. Reading Binti the other day reminded me how creative I am not as of late, as well as how much of that has to do with the detritus built up around my life and my focus. I don’t even know how to be alone anymore. I just sit in front of the screen searching for nonsense and doomclicking until I realize my time of writing solitude is over. Oh how I miss my beach.

Still, I believe I can salvage something of a system here. I simply need to remember how to be a consistent writer. I need to do this fairly quickly as my schedule is mounting, stripping me of the ability to have time for anything. Due dates are mounting indeed. Gotta lock in fast.

Some Thoughts:

1. Home vibe still not at all condusive to the life of a writer.
2. Nor is owning a Switch… Specifically, the game Slay the Spire is ruining me. I cannot win. 25 hrs and no completed runs. Punk level stuff right there.
3. Cool Worlds on youtube is my new lowkey ASMR fix. My man is spitting science in that chill accent and I am here for it. The best ASMR remains accidental. No over-sexualization, no desperate for clicks dudes or chicks, just words and vibe. Oh and I learn stuff too.
4. My dog is a terrorist. I’ve had to cover our garden in wire mesh because he insists on digging it up every time we aren’t looking.

I am working towards getting over a great many things. I am, for example, trying to dispel the concern that the last time I was paid for my writing was April of 2025. That pay was for work performed in 2024… I have published several game books and a novel since then. So there are thousands of dollars still owed to me and no timeline for when I might be paid, in spite of the company continuing to profit off my work… Gotta get over it. Gotta get over the kid drama as illustrated yesterday. I have to fall back into the routine of accepting the things I cannot change as well as not allowing myself to be bullied or overlooked in any way. If that means making a bigger stink about the money, so be it. As of now, I have no intention of turning in any more work until I am paid for past work due.

Getting over it is part of the way towards building a better self. We all hold on to too much in life. We all allow ourselves to grip on tightly to ideas, perceived slights, hopes, etc. We carry them with us throughout life and they weigh us down. I remember learning somewhere as a kid that a lie is a thing that festers in you. It becomes a sickness you have to watch and monitor to ensure it doesn’t destroy you. Even small ones are dangerous. I think all the things we carry are like that–wearing us down until the best we can do is bare minimum. I no longer wonder if I’ve become like that. I know I have.

Now I have to climb out from under it all, no matter how long that takes.

What does it mean to be a good parent? I don’t have an answer besides being there for your kids and helping them make smart choices. I am not very good at it as it turns out. In fact, I’m being shut out of the decision making process entirely when it comes to where my mid-kid is going land out of the portal. He hired an agent and I’m sure that is a factor in the conversation, but the biggest factor I see is that he’s 18 and wanting to show he can make grown up decisions all on his own. He’s taking his mom along on visits and given the fact that she has zero experience or knowledge about anything having to do with the sport or academia (outside of having gone to college), I don’t think he’s taking her along for valuable advice. I think he’s icing me out in order to make his own grown man choices.

So, is it bad parenting that this is happening that way, or have I done enough to get him to the point where he can make these choices on his own. Either way, for a kid to push out his dad does show that the relationship isn’t a thing to be praised. I don’t think my relationship with any of my kids is a thing to be praised. The only one I can look at with any sort of pride is the one with the Lady Talis and maybe the one with the youngest–though he rarely shows me the level of respect a father deserves.

This is a sports blog day and I’m talking about the darker side of being a sport parent. It’s really about being a support parent. You take them around, pay for the things, do all that is asked of you but in the end, you’re overlooked and often forgotten if you’re the dad. Sports are about the mother. Athletes are always supposed to take care of mom. So, where does that leave dad?

I need to see an eye doctor. The blurring is ridiculous at this point. If I play video games from too far away the blurring happens. If I look at too small print on a screen, the blurring happens. Digital Eye Strain or Presbyopia, if Google is right (which it rarely is). Still I’m working towards understanding. I need an eye exam for real. That blurring is another reminder of my not-so-slow aging. Getting old is not wonderful.

I mean, it is good in some ways. There is wisdom in all of it. I’m definitely wiser and definitely better at some things and in a better position in life than I was as a 20 year old. Well, not in terms of how long of a future and how little debt I have–I screwed that up pretty desperately. I am happy with my life now though. I’m in a place with a wonderful partner to get me moving forward and one who gives me a future to look forward to. I want to get the writing right, but I’ve always wanted that. Won’t be too great without eyes though…

Some Thoughts:

1. Turns out I don’t have a lot to say this night.
2. I will say that I think this portal thing is coming to a sad close. My kid is probably going to end up at UNI. He probably should have gone there last year. I think he gained a lot of experience from this process and this season. Going back to UNI would mean that he would have a coach he’s had before… for the first time since youth football. Crazy. Won’t be the same position coach, but it will be the same Drake head coach. That’s a plus.
3. Nothing else to say…

Tomorrow a new semester begins. I will be ramping up towards becoming a better teacher and diving deep into a semester filled with interesting subjects and more interesting students. I’m teaching classes that are comparatively 300 and 400 level courses at Arizona State and other schools that offer degrees in gaming, and I feel pretty confident that I’m doing it well. Sadly I don’t have the large student base of the Universities, but the practice I’m gaining points to a longer term future doing these things as my primary move.

One day.

Or maybe one day I just teach them more on the side as I focus on novels. I don’t know. I feel like I have fifteen or so really good working years left in me before I get to the point of not wanting to do it as much. This is far past the retirement date, but who knows what the future holds and where it is being held? I know that part of what I am thinking and feeling is about the idea of staying on the edge of current events in these areas and knowing things as someone in the thick of it as opposed to someone long past his prime. I still feel prime. I still feel like I have a lot to offer as a teacher and a storyteller.

Gonna suck when I don’t feel that way anymore.

Some Thoughts:

1. This portal drama has revealed one sad and simple truth: My kids don’t want to have me as part of their decision making process. I don’t know if that falls to their birth mom or what, but I am not part of the conversations. I am not part of the life they are trying to build. I’m a part of their past and someone who they love but see as not central in any way to their future or deciding that future. I’m hardly even the help… unless they really need something. Sad revelation, that.
2. Globes… Glazer was solid but the whole thing feels suspect between some of the categories and what is commonly nominated. We’re talking about a very select group of voters here…

I have to type slow on the phone so this might not be as long as most. The thoughts here are full and deep so o may return to the idea soon, but having it on my mind now I figured I should cast it out to the world. I’m thinking about the future and this idea of moving somewhere along the Juan de Fuca and it occurs to me that it may be a better fit to air bnb the situation long term. The cost of a monthly stay is less than it would cost to uproot life, get new jobs, and deal with the rates of home ownership as they are now. Also there’s that 30 year loan.

There is more to it than this, of course. We have parents to look after who won’t move with us, meaning responsibility outside of the fresh start, and the lack of flexibility is a big one for me. I want to explore the world and spend real time in places and the Airbnb option allows for that. This is a real consideration, given the state of things in the world. Temporary feels like a safer bet than anything permanent and fixed.

I spend enough time in Seattle that coming back to the city feels a lot like coming home. We have our places we go. We have our walks we take. And… The food… All of these trips are about food to some extent, and this one is no different. In fact, the main food attraction isn’t even open this go round, so we need to come back to get that handled in a month or two. Seattle is not New York. It is not nearly as sleepless as the film stock would have you believe. In fact, most of the city is done by 7pm and the streets, when not empty, find themselves home to the tribe of homeless and drug users. They are mostly harmless to everyone but themselves, though. So long as you know how to act, you’ll be fine. We’ve been fine the entire short time we have been here and we have been insanely happy the entire time we’ve been here. Trust that it isn’t just the food.

The Pacific Northwest is where we want to be or somewhere climate similar in a land where we don’t need to deal with the massively harmful and stupid politics of the current USA. I love the walking and the weather. I love how the Lady Talis and I feel when we are here. I love how I feel in my skin when we are here.

Tomorrow we will be gone–back to the desert and back to the classroom and me back to the words in force. The 16 week countdown is underway come Monday morning. Time to start the show.

I’d been trying to figure out why I was feeling so much better this morning. I thought at first it was about the trip to Seattle, but I’ve been riding that glow for days. Something else had shifted in my soul, making me smile a bit brighter. Then I remembered that I hadn’t checked the news. That was it for sure.

if I engage with the wider world —especially in terms of the IS

The us news machine then it is going to dim my reality. If I leave things be and let my world stay small and or in the dark about these things I cannot impact at present, I’m good. I practically glow. It is a bit of the point of how they run this mess: their brand is chaos and that means we cannot keep up with the cavalcade of nonsense being done to the point that we lose sight of how much illness is being foisted upon the world. It is sickening and draining and the moment I log off, I can begin to heal. So not logging on first thing is probably a good thing. I want to be informed, yes, but I want to ground myself first. Then I’ll step a foot into the icky waters of US antics. But only a foot. I cannot drown in the mess we are making less it drown my spirit entirely.

I was trying not to make this rent, but I don’t know if that’s going to work. Here’s the deal. The portal is way too big. The problem I’m having is that I’m a father and my son is in that portal filled with 9000 other players. A number I’m offering might not be the real thing but it is at least an estimate that is based on perceptions by people close to or having access to report now

what does that mean to me? it means that I have to find a way to help my son navigate this very dangerous and tricky situation as he tries to move towards his next step in college football and towards becoming a professional player. This is the way things are now. Everyone is trying to make money and everyone is trying to feel the best team. It was always like this but now everything is supposedly upfront and on the table. However, we can see from recent events that not everything is always as upfront as it seems. a childhood friend is in the portal or trying to be . He is being held back by his school because he signed a contract with that school and then opted to go to the portal. They won’t let him. They feel that he has a legal obligation, so we’ll see what happens with that. I’ll also see with my kid because this thing is getting crazier and crazier by the day. I don’t know how to be helpful in the whole situation. But I want is for him to have a chance to play and grow and learn and become a better band and a better football player. But I don’t know how to make that happen. It’s a stressful moment as a dad to be powerless in a situation when your son is suffering. Learning how to deal with that is, I guess, a part of our fatherhood as Well.

You can tell by me forgetting to publish last night that the negative energy really got to me. It’s a flaw. It is also why I struggle in leadership roles. I don’t want to people-please. I also don’t want to deal with their negativity. I’m turning my attention back to writing and towards the classroom and towards this summer’s travel (as well as graduation right before). I need to shift towards possibility and the powerful impact of travel and the beauty of being somewhere alone with the Lady Talis all to myself. We need more of that in our lives. Here’s to getting it.

Some Thoughts:

1. Two graduations happening this year. Another next year and we are officially free to move away from the heat.
2. Don’t know where or when yet. Still. getting into it.