I have a list of things I want to look up before Tuesday hits. It’s like a job, getting ready for the ‘on’ days. There’s finding the right snack for my kids who will come home and have between thirty minutes (the big one) and an hour and a half (lil one) to finish HW, snack, relax, and prep for practice. Two hours plus later I’ll have all three and they’ll be expecting a full meal on the table. They’ll expect some time to hang with me and, for the middle one, time to do the HW he couldn’t do because he never gets home till after practice(s).
It is for this reason I’ve started to look at these three weekdays of the fall semester as a second job. I recognize spring will be easier once we’ve cleared this hurdle, because we are leaving football behind. For now there are three days in which a chunk of hours of the evening is devoted to sports and running around.
But what about the rest?
- Something has to give here. Either I decide to become the guy who shows up everywhere alone or I find myself a companion to hang with during that dark near two day stretch where I don’t see another human being. I’m in the stretch now and I’m not a fan. I used to go out to this restaurant for bbq and bourbon night, but the first time I showed up with my lady I realized that the staff I’d gotten to ‘know’ apparently pitied me for being the guy for showing up alone. I am somewhat sensitive to what people think. Not so much what they are thinking as the vibe I’m putting out there. If that vibe doesn’t match what I am trying to send it gives me pause.
- Part of me gets the sense that this is ‘my chance’ to sit down and have uninterrupted stretches of work time to develop the things that I want. I gotta learn how to fall into that sense more and not be afraid of the blank page. I mean, when else am I really writing?
- All in. That’s the term I’ve been reaching for. I’m looking for all in.