I’ve found myself really quick to anger lately in a way that I have not been since I was a little kid. In trying to understand where all of that comes from I keep returning to the same concept: Disrespect. Apparently my tolerance for disrespect is at an end. Yesterday I was disrespected on three separate occasions–each occasion coming when I was in a position of authority.
Quiet leadership is how I brought myself up to behave. Speak softly and carry a big stick. I prefer to cultivate relationships rather than humiliate and threaten. I want players to play for themselves and each other first, but if their going to play ‘for me’ then it should be from a place of respect. “I’m on your case, because I care what happens to you.” is preferable to “I’m on your case so you don’t screw this up for me.” That latter one is about ego, and the only ego I have in the game is about the respect I’m given from those in my charge and those around me. Once that goes, apparently I go nuclear.
The first instance of yesterday happened early in the day. I was teaching class and a group of kids were talking–one with headphones in his ears. I asked them to stop. Three times. The fourth time I loudly told them to, ‘shut up.’ That did it. They stopped and were completely apologetic about the situation. In other words, they started being respectful. I cannot act like that all the time. It should never even need to get to that point, but it did. Then it almost did again later that day.
I was co-teaching with my partner and a kid was behaving quite manically, taking control of the tech and completely disregarding everything I said by way of instruction and redirection. Basically she was pressing buttons and changing functions of the room’s computer system without any real sense of what the setup was supposed to be. I finally just stepped in and explained I was going to take it from here. I was already angry because I’d tried to do the same thing nicely twice before and been completely blown off. Now this is not my student and I don’t know her or what her situation is. Honestly, she seemed to be a special needs student and I was really tiptoeing around the situation because of that. Once my co-teacher came over and we tried to discuss things the student hopped right back in and tried again to explain to us how to use our own equipment. Fortunately her teacher stepped in and handled the conversation, because at that point I was past done. I didn’t blow but I was ready. Later I would.
That night I was coaching. We were holding a scrimmage against another team and trying some new things on both sides of the ball. The head coach of another team, who happens to be the president of the organization, decided he didn’t like what he was seeing. He blew his whistle, huddled up my team, and publicly berated them. That was too far. I tried to sidebar him and explain that he was undermining me. He didn’t take that well and started to berate me. I finally snapped. I cursed at him and started yelling. We got in each other’s face and for a moment I was expecting it to come to blows. I’ve long seen the man’s disrespect for me and tolerated it. No more. I’d had enough.
I don’t believe I acted appropriately on the field. I am clearly the bigger man in that situation, because I wouldn’t have ever done that to another coach on his field. Still, I wasn’t the bigger man that night by responding the way that I did. I’m better than that and I wasn’t. That is something for me to correct moving forward.