We are barely into the new year and already I’ve arrived at a place where I am not able to continue some of these resolutions. One in particular, actually. I’ve not been doing good at all on the writing. I find myself waiting until too late in the day to be effective and as a result the words are not coming. I quit tonight–refusing even to put forth the effort.
A least I’m still doing the 100 pushups.
My mental gymnastics on that one is, “lets make sure we are healthy enough to write another day” or at least play games and chill and soak up the last few days of the break. The prior statement is obviously an excuse. I’m full of those things lately and it weakens me in ways. It also feels like it leaves me open to manipulations, because when I make excuses for myself I start to feel bad about myself, opening the door to manipulation. At least one of my kids has a mind to take advantage of such things. He is quite the pusher.
I’ve gotten off track here, which is more evidence of the obvious. I’m drained. I don’t have any real excuse for being drained and don’t believe that I need one. It has been a long and satisfying few days and now I’m in need of a reset.
I need to get back to work mode.
Some Thoughts:
- Being a dad can be really hard especially with an egocentric kid who really does believe the world spins on his thoughts. This is the only kid I have real concerns about being able to maintain a relationship with through the teenage years. When I was really too tired (both mentally and physically) to play a card game he tried to get me to justify why I was tired–step one towards getting his way and coercing me to play… or getting kicked out of the house for good.
- Curious that any reference to sexual organs–at least the common names for said organs–is consider a slander. To ‘be a dick’ is a bad thing. Likewise, the feminine variety denotes weakness. How did this happen?