Day: September 29, 2025

I’m a married man again. Happily so. They (whomever they are) say third times the charm, but I got it in two. I certainly didn’t get it in one. I think I knew that from start. I remember sitting with a friend of mine prior to the wedding and she telling me she didn’t think I wanted to do this. I acted like she was crazy, but after all of it–after the best man begging off and all of the drama that followed–I knew deep down that this wasn’t the best thing for me but merely the right thing at the right time.

I won’t say that I didn’t get anything out of being married the first time. I got three great boys. For a while I got to have great parents (in-law).However, none of that was about me growing as a human. In fact, it was the opposite. The one thing I learned in the nearly decade and a half I was married is that a person can whither even while they look like they are thriving. A person can wither from the inside while doing everything possible to look the part of the happy human on the outside. I knew this, at least in part, from my wok as a counselor. I should’ve been able to put the pieces together for myself. I didn’t. I hid behind activity and urgency, diving into the lives of these boys with fury. I became the coach as much as the dad. I became the top worker. I was all of those things on the outside shell, and hollowed out within. I had nothing to nourish me.

So then I suppose I learned two lessons. The second, more powerful one is this: You have to be nourished from the inside. The human soul, whatever you conceive of that to be, needs to be nourished. Mind, Body, and Soul gets the order entirely wrong. Soul ought to be at the forefront, because where the Chakras lay is how the mind and body must stay.

Over the past decade I’ve come to realize that true soul nourishment means finding that person who is entwined with your soul. This is the concept of a soul-mate. To me that means one that is your ride or die–the person that gets you and you get. The person you want to get up in the morning for. The person who ignites the desire to protect the body and the mind. I found that and I am blessed by her. Everyone needs a Lady Talis, but very few are fortunate enough to find that counterbalance in their life.

Found mine. Not letting go.

There is a particular type of person who sees the change needed in their life and makes those changes immediately. They slam on the breaks, turn the car around and drive hard and fast in the other direction. I’m not that person. I slow down. I make minor corrections. When the cliff arrives, I wonder why I am still going over it. I am too old to make the changes I should’ve made thirty years ago.

I remember when I was in college and trying to put on weight for football. It wasn’t like it is now. I was a walk on without all of the fancy meal plans the other kids who were full scholarship were entitled to. That excuse empowered me to work less. I wound up falling off the team like falling off that cliff and it shows. I still talk about being a walk on in spite of never really reaching the level of success my kid is experiencing now at the college level. I suppose that makes me all bluster and no work.

I suppose I can say the same about the writing. All this effort being made… is it really effort at all to be someone who has survived in a niche market publishing under a handful of labels and only one (supposedly two) novels to his name? At some point a person needs to accept they’ve failed–to truly recognize what that failure looks like and in that acceptance decide where to go from there as opposed to lying to themselves about where they are. The only way to move forward is to see the road your on and understand if you are the kind of person who can change lanes, or if you expect to creep forward towards your eventual doom.