Month: January 2026

So, the kid is back at the FCS level. He signed with University of Northern Iowa, following his old coach from his Freshman year, This will represent the first time he’s had the same head coach for more than a year since, well, me. I trust Stepsis entirely, and suspect his team will have a solid year two turn around, in spite of a daunting schedule that includes the University of Iowa and 5 of the 24 playoff teams from this past year. All but two competitors were ranked last year, which is one heck of a tough go of it for a team that lost many more games than they won with the then first year coach. Making matters more difficult is the fact that the school is in Iowa and flights there are expensive. I don’t know how many games we can attend, but I will support the best I can. His little brother will even attend a camp there this summer. It will be a wonderful chance to have them play together again should the younger one get signed.

I am happy to be turning away from football for a while. It is quite consuming. I’ve been fading out during these playoffs. I still support the Seahawks, but I didn’t really even watch any of the college playoff games. I’m due for a break. The Lady Talis is silently begging for one. It is hard to be the lady in a house full of boys. No, not men. I consider myself a man. The rest have work to do.

The work I am doing right now is barely treading water. I need to get back out ahead of this thing and start working harder and more hours. No more spacing off. That steals much time. It is time I no longer have. The deadlines are upon me, and the classes have (successfully) begun.

Some Thoughts:

1. Crazy political quote of the day: “We probably won’t get anything unless I decide to use excessive strength and force where we would be, frankly, unstoppable. But I won’t do that,” Trump said earlier in the morning at the World Economic Forum. “Now everyone’s saying, ‘Oh, good.’ That’s probably the biggest statement I made because people thought I would use force. I don’t have to use force. I don’t want to use force. I won’t use force.” That is Trump talking about opportunity and possibilities of invading Greenland. We live in the worst timeline.
2. Coffeenerdness: I only rely on Italian coffee now. Down to my last two bags I am willing to pay the tarriffs to keep the java flowing.

Going all the way back to Spring semester 2025 for this one. I wanted to see where I was at in my head then vs. now. Back about a year ago I found myself thinking about the realities of age ang aging. I wrote:

I am about to turn 50. It sucks. It really really sucks. I know for some that may sound strange, but the way I see it, I have less usable years ahead of me than I have behind me. In other term, the clock is running out on my life. Sure, I am in a better position than I was when I was, say, 10 and life was consumed by school, sports, and the inability to go anywhere freely because of the lack of personal freedom caused by responsibilities and being a child. However, I still have work, kids, and soon enough, parents to take care of. To add, I don’t have the physical health I did when I was ten and wild and wishing to be free. Facts being what they are, I won’t be tip top when I am 70 or 80 without some incredible advances in agie-mitigating tech and some personal responsibility to fix my body.

Let’s ignore the mispellings and dig into the idea of what I was talking about and what I am still talking about. We only have so much time in these frail bodies. In the absence of suitable biotechnology and cybertechnology we are beholden to do what we can in order to keep those bodies in shape. I have done a poor job in the past year with my body. I haven’t been good to it at all, and the result is 20+ more pounds of fat and stretch marks. I’m beginning to look like black Santa. On the other hand, I’m back in the gym 3 or more times a week. I haven’t hit the point where the work is beginning to pay off or even show much, but I am sweating, and that is a start.

I am going to get right this year. This is not a choice as much as it is a directive. It needs to happen. I need to be better in all phases, not just for myself but for the beautiful Lady Talis as well. We need each other.

Some Thoughts:

1. Crazy News quote of the day: “For more than 100 minutes, the president held forth Tuesday at the White House, where he went on a winding journey through his last year, interspersed with plenty of asides, a few impressions of other politicians and critics and, eventually, questions from the media.” This from the AP news report on the President’s speech. Kinda feels like that uncle (or grandpa) that corners you at the family reunion and talks for the next 8 days.
2. Not a lot to go on this evening. Day 1 of face to face classes is in the books and I am looking forward to getting started on day 2. But first, reset.

Organization is the thing. I need to be organized and diligent and have a plan to peel away the layers of what is destroying my ability to be an effective human being. Each day is a new step forward. Each day is a way I am changing in the relatively short time I have left in this life. No, I am not dying any faster than anyone else, but I’m already halfway or more through what is a possible lifespan, and I’ve done little to make it so I get to go longer. I don’t have much time to make it so I get to go longer either. There is a ton of work to do, and I need to be organized and ruthless in said organization for things to happen as I wish.

One of the things that I find important is the concept of a touchstone. So, as I continue to write the book on getting right, I want you, dear reader, to consider the touchstones in your life and how those are helpful, harmful, or merely just opportunities to feel progress (not sure if that last is either end of the spectrum). Waking up and going to bed with my wife is probably the most important two touchstones, with the third being this blog and the fourth being our daily cup of java. The fifth, as it were, is my playing a video game of some nature. If I extend to six, it is gaming with the wife in some nature. So, games are 1/3 of the listed activities, and writing is 1/6th. Therein lies the problem with the priorities. Getting that cleaned up could help. For example, if you are a fan of the 100 block time management concept, then feasibly, there ought to be 10 touchstones in that 100. I am going to spend 2026 using this strategy and building from that… unless it doesn’t work and then I will merely flip to another style.

One thing I need to develop is consistency. I don’t have it and I certainly need it. Perhaps the place to start is with how I run this blog. Perhaps the place to start within that is with…

Some Thoughts:

1. The US is batshit quote of the day (from the AP) “The president also pardoned Texas Democratic Rep. Henry Cuellar in a bribery and conspiracy case. He later expressed regret and frustration for having done so, however, when Cuellar announced he was seeking reelection without switching parties to become a Republican.”
2. Sports note of the day: Kid officially signed with UNI. He’s a Panther for life. This means he will play for the team, feasibly, for the next two years and then be off to see if he can go pro or merely move on to a professional light outside of the spotlight. He wants to be in it at the highest level he can before he gets out of it all together. Not exactly what I thought the plan was, but it turns out he’s more me than I thought he was.
3. I’ll be finding more standard daily thoughts to share in this space.

I wonder if this is how people in Germany and or Japan (and Italy) felt when World War II was about to pop off. It feels a little like we are sliding towards full crazy and the spin (as seen from Fox News) is simply acting like everyone not on board is crazy. Spin works like that. The people on your side make all that you do okay. Either they don’t broadcast your crazy or they make it seem like the opposition is the crazy ones. Apparently anyone protesting the thing the group in power wants to do is an agitator. Also, Greenland. Let’s be serious for a minute, folks. This one makes absolutely no sense. We are legitimately going to destroy NATO in order to own Greenland? Come on, man. We’ve already levied Tarriffs to the countries who oppose this. We’ve already threatened litigation or pulled funding from the states that oppose our great and powerful Orange.

This is getting out of control. Sadly, we’ve broken the breaks and now the only thing that can stop it is the end of the line–2028. At least, that is the rumor. Just today 1,500 soldiers were placed on the ready to be deployed to Minnesota as part of the Insurrection Act. We invaded Venezuela and kidnapped their president, only to leave the country in the hands of someone who has a DEA file as long as War and Peace.

When history looks back at what has happened over the past four years they will point to the weakness of the American mind and the power of the American media to sway those who are so driven by fear and vengeance. However, its the people who don’t really care all that much and don’t think things will get bad who were the voters who changed it all. Do we really thing four years of Kamala Harris would have been this bad, or were we just so exhausted by hearing the screaming and yelling in the feed that we were all just like, “fine, do whatever. It doesn’t matter anyway”?

That latter feels like the truth–a sick sad reality that tells me this country isn’t built for another 250 years.

I have had the experience of encountering a lot of stubborn people in my life. Enough so that I understand where defensiveness comes from and often when a person is about to dig in as a matter of self preservation. I also have experience with the filter bubble. The other day a kid of mine made a comment about how I have the power to ignore things I don’t want to see, basically saying that the reason they keep putting stuff out is because I keep talking about it. That latter part is bullcrap to a large degree–They keep putting stuff out because people keep talking about it, and if those people are part of a similar algorithm, it will keep hitting my algorithm until I figure out how to make it stop. I also think it may have something to do with the fact of disliking a certain thing and that thing keeps popping up in order to further polarize me and push me towards “anti” behaviors. All of this is to say, stop telling people “You voted for this!” because most of them did not in fact vote for any of this.

The other day this guy said that our ICE is acting like the Gestapo and he didn’t believe we would end up like this…

I believe him. I do, because he openly expressed his beliefs in some of what Trump was saying and appeared to have zero understanding of the rational arguments people from the other side were saying. Why would he? His algorithm only shows him the wildest stuff and the stuff he already believes or is starting to believe. Assuming that he has the mindset or even the intelligence to predict what could possibly go wrong in this scenario is foolish. We cannot make him into someone or something he never actually was, which is an intelligent forward thinking, balanced, and highly rationally individual. He’s not that guy. He’s a stand up comic turned Fear Factor host turned MMA commentator turned podcaster. Come on, folks. He’s not Obama. He is of above-average IQ score (127) but that fails to account for a lot of things…

Here’s the main thing: What we ingest is what we put out. Most of the people (I believe) who voted for Trump are innundated with nonsense about the Great Replacement theory and feel like they are losing their power. They are not voting for people to be murdered in the streets, but when you repeatedly tell them they are, you’re pushing them further and further away from rational thinking. The goal here is to bring us all back together, not to make it so the 56% of Americans who are white continue to fear the 44% who aren’t. Let’s come together and recognize that mistakes were made and instead of blaming, work to fix the problems we all have contributed to creating.

This used to be the freewrite Friday. I need to get back to it because that was a vibe. It was a way to lock in on the writing and be creative every single week. I have not been creative on a weekly basis like that in some time. Doing it is how I keep my mind sharp and start moving back towards stories I care about telling. Reading Binti the other day reminded me how creative I am not as of late, as well as how much of that has to do with the detritus built up around my life and my focus. I don’t even know how to be alone anymore. I just sit in front of the screen searching for nonsense and doomclicking until I realize my time of writing solitude is over. Oh how I miss my beach.

Still, I believe I can salvage something of a system here. I simply need to remember how to be a consistent writer. I need to do this fairly quickly as my schedule is mounting, stripping me of the ability to have time for anything. Due dates are mounting indeed. Gotta lock in fast.

Some Thoughts:

1. Home vibe still not at all condusive to the life of a writer.
2. Nor is owning a Switch… Specifically, the game Slay the Spire is ruining me. I cannot win. 25 hrs and no completed runs. Punk level stuff right there.
3. Cool Worlds on youtube is my new lowkey ASMR fix. My man is spitting science in that chill accent and I am here for it. The best ASMR remains accidental. No over-sexualization, no desperate for clicks dudes or chicks, just words and vibe. Oh and I learn stuff too.
4. My dog is a terrorist. I’ve had to cover our garden in wire mesh because he insists on digging it up every time we aren’t looking.

I am working towards getting over a great many things. I am, for example, trying to dispel the concern that the last time I was paid for my writing was April of 2025. That pay was for work performed in 2024… I have published several game books and a novel since then. So there are thousands of dollars still owed to me and no timeline for when I might be paid, in spite of the company continuing to profit off my work… Gotta get over it. Gotta get over the kid drama as illustrated yesterday. I have to fall back into the routine of accepting the things I cannot change as well as not allowing myself to be bullied or overlooked in any way. If that means making a bigger stink about the money, so be it. As of now, I have no intention of turning in any more work until I am paid for past work due.

Getting over it is part of the way towards building a better self. We all hold on to too much in life. We all allow ourselves to grip on tightly to ideas, perceived slights, hopes, etc. We carry them with us throughout life and they weigh us down. I remember learning somewhere as a kid that a lie is a thing that festers in you. It becomes a sickness you have to watch and monitor to ensure it doesn’t destroy you. Even small ones are dangerous. I think all the things we carry are like that–wearing us down until the best we can do is bare minimum. I no longer wonder if I’ve become like that. I know I have.

Now I have to climb out from under it all, no matter how long that takes.

What does it mean to be a good parent? I don’t have an answer besides being there for your kids and helping them make smart choices. I am not very good at it as it turns out. In fact, I’m being shut out of the decision making process entirely when it comes to where my mid-kid is going land out of the portal. He hired an agent and I’m sure that is a factor in the conversation, but the biggest factor I see is that he’s 18 and wanting to show he can make grown up decisions all on his own. He’s taking his mom along on visits and given the fact that she has zero experience or knowledge about anything having to do with the sport or academia (outside of having gone to college), I don’t think he’s taking her along for valuable advice. I think he’s icing me out in order to make his own grown man choices.

So, is it bad parenting that this is happening that way, or have I done enough to get him to the point where he can make these choices on his own. Either way, for a kid to push out his dad does show that the relationship isn’t a thing to be praised. I don’t think my relationship with any of my kids is a thing to be praised. The only one I can look at with any sort of pride is the one with the Lady Talis and maybe the one with the youngest–though he rarely shows me the level of respect a father deserves.

This is a sports blog day and I’m talking about the darker side of being a sport parent. It’s really about being a support parent. You take them around, pay for the things, do all that is asked of you but in the end, you’re overlooked and often forgotten if you’re the dad. Sports are about the mother. Athletes are always supposed to take care of mom. So, where does that leave dad?

I need to see an eye doctor. The blurring is ridiculous at this point. If I play video games from too far away the blurring happens. If I look at too small print on a screen, the blurring happens. Digital Eye Strain or Presbyopia, if Google is right (which it rarely is). Still I’m working towards understanding. I need an eye exam for real. That blurring is another reminder of my not-so-slow aging. Getting old is not wonderful.

I mean, it is good in some ways. There is wisdom in all of it. I’m definitely wiser and definitely better at some things and in a better position in life than I was as a 20 year old. Well, not in terms of how long of a future and how little debt I have–I screwed that up pretty desperately. I am happy with my life now though. I’m in a place with a wonderful partner to get me moving forward and one who gives me a future to look forward to. I want to get the writing right, but I’ve always wanted that. Won’t be too great without eyes though…

Some Thoughts:

1. Turns out I don’t have a lot to say this night.
2. I will say that I think this portal thing is coming to a sad close. My kid is probably going to end up at UNI. He probably should have gone there last year. I think he gained a lot of experience from this process and this season. Going back to UNI would mean that he would have a coach he’s had before… for the first time since youth football. Crazy. Won’t be the same position coach, but it will be the same Drake head coach. That’s a plus.
3. Nothing else to say…

Tomorrow a new semester begins. I will be ramping up towards becoming a better teacher and diving deep into a semester filled with interesting subjects and more interesting students. I’m teaching classes that are comparatively 300 and 400 level courses at Arizona State and other schools that offer degrees in gaming, and I feel pretty confident that I’m doing it well. Sadly I don’t have the large student base of the Universities, but the practice I’m gaining points to a longer term future doing these things as my primary move.

One day.

Or maybe one day I just teach them more on the side as I focus on novels. I don’t know. I feel like I have fifteen or so really good working years left in me before I get to the point of not wanting to do it as much. This is far past the retirement date, but who knows what the future holds and where it is being held? I know that part of what I am thinking and feeling is about the idea of staying on the edge of current events in these areas and knowing things as someone in the thick of it as opposed to someone long past his prime. I still feel prime. I still feel like I have a lot to offer as a teacher and a storyteller.

Gonna suck when I don’t feel that way anymore.

Some Thoughts:

1. This portal drama has revealed one sad and simple truth: My kids don’t want to have me as part of their decision making process. I don’t know if that falls to their birth mom or what, but I am not part of the conversations. I am not part of the life they are trying to build. I’m a part of their past and someone who they love but see as not central in any way to their future or deciding that future. I’m hardly even the help… unless they really need something. Sad revelation, that.
2. Globes… Glazer was solid but the whole thing feels suspect between some of the categories and what is commonly nominated. We’re talking about a very select group of voters here…