The word of the day is Absolve (to free from guilt or obligation)
Critical Distance
There is a point in the future where everything is okay. Perhaps not okay, but the feelings of it all have diminished to the point where the memories don’t feel like sunburns. There is a point where the good of it all peaks out from the rest and she can remember that loving him was a good thing; a good idea. It doesn’t feel that way now. In the storm that is reflected in everyday they have together it feels like there is no end, no possibilities for anything but this pain and she is flailing and she is failing and she doesn’t want to do this anymore. She wants to close her eyes and drift away. She wants to be done. She doesn’t want to forget, but she wants to stop creating new memories. She wants to stop destroying the old ones and turning everything into a mush of disappointment and confusion. She wants to believe things were once as she wanted to believe they could be.
Then he comes home. He is smiling. He sets down his briefcase and gathers her up into a hug and for that instant the universe is just the two of them. The universe is just the warmth of him, the crinkle of lines around his eyes, the strength of his grip as he gathers her to him. He whispers, “I love y0u so much.” And he does. That much is true and constant. That much lifts her spirits and, to her, feels like a door she can pass through and leave the world behind. She forgets in that moment that they are far less than perfect together. She forgets her sadness. She forgives his way of destroying her. Together they float on for a while.
But only for a while.