At the end of the day the final score read them: 18, us: 12. We made it as far as we could and ran into a wall. That wall was built of maturity and talent. Frankly, we weren’t the kind of youth team that is designed to be a champion. We were the kind of team that punches above its weight as long as possible. Unfortunately, the clock ran out a day too soon.
Here is what I’ve learned from this:
- I don’t want to put my kids on teams where they are the superstar. I have no problem with them developing into that, but that is something to be earned. When you put your kid on a team where they don’t have to earn their spot, you are not doing your kid justice. Instead you are instilling a false sense of ability in them and often you are the one establishing the work ethic and ceiling for them in those moments. A few years ago (was it that long ago?) I coached a team where a mom wrote me a letter explaining that she did not like that her son was playing as a starter on my team because he was not the best player on the field when he played. She preferred he ride the bench and come out with the second team where he could be the star. I thought that was crazy. She put her own need to see her kid as a hero above the need of the kid to grow and compete at a higher level… Which brings me to another lesson learned
- Parents pay for sports to see their kids play in the game. At the end of the playoff game several parents were angry we didn’t play their kids. Their kids were the ones who usually live at the tail end of our bench and either don’t understand or don’t entirely care about what they are being told to do. One in particular explained that he wants to know exactly who is hitting him (from the other team) each play and if he doesn’t like it he would like that person to be told to block someone else. Obviously, he didn’t play. Others didn’t either. We went with the best available talent and I have no qualms about that. Which leads to my next point.
- I want to be a part of an organization that is training winners. I am done with the parents who are all about how much playtime. I am done with the daddy coaching. Any team I am going to be involved with moving forward is going to be learning based and results based. It isn’t about the parents happy and it is not about making the kids happy. It is about understanding the dedication to be successful in whatever you do and developing a bond that extends beyond the field. There is a place for kids who just want to play in a low-impact fashion. I am not interested in being in that place any longer. I want my kids to excel to the top of their ability level in everything they do, be it math or the gridiron or cooking a freaking pancake. Dedicate yourself and be the superstar version of you. Which, lead me to realize…
- Not all my kids are superstars. My first born used to be that kid, but yet another coach has started to treat him like he ought to be coming off the bench. I am going to remove my daddy goggles and start looking at him closely to see where he is at in his development both as an athlete and a young man, because maybe I am blind to that stuff.