I’m tired.
Long days, cheerful nights. I’m a happy dude because things feel good at home, I’m moving towards the right track with the words, and I got to be outside for long blips of time in good –even cold– weather. That is a big deal here. It doesn’t generally go well here for the cold. Usually we are experiencign 100-120 degrees of nonsense, but this weekend is the prime time of the season.
I’m also old.
Or getting older. I feel it. I feel the strength waning when I don’t work to keep it up. I feel the body as a shell of what it was and when around a bunch of high school boys it is even more pronounced. They are at the peak of their growing selves and I am at the point of decline. It reminds me of how much of a turn around is needed to get to a stable healthy self. It also is a reminder of how much harder it gets the longer I wait. This is about a mindset–one I seem not to have any longer. The double edge of my mind and body feel dulled by time and experience.
So, it is one of those blogs where I announce that I’ve shuddered away from being a man and into being a dad; fat and balding as I rest on the couch with my feet up and flip through TV shows in hopes of finding some distraction to carry me through the solitary moments. Perhaps it is now that my characters will begin to become reflective of a past self and imagined future self. This is what we writers do.