I have a youth sports problem. In truth, I have a sports problem and understanding that is how I realized how and why so many people have a youth sports problem. It is control and belief.
I want to tell you the story of two dads who have sons who also bear their names. These dad’s we will call D. We shall call their sons D Jr. Both D’s were athletes in their own right. D #1 was a D1 player and quite successful. He didn’t make it in the NFL. D2 was a high school player and found little success in college. Both had boys. D#1 decided that he should turn his son into a QB. It wasn’t what he did, but with the training and connections he had he knew he could make that kid a star. He did. He did it through the lure and glitz of youth sports and built a team around that kid. He gave him all the opportunities in the world to be successful and success followed. D1jr was a youth all star. He ran with a group of kids that always played ball one age group above as a way to make sure they were pushing their limits. It worked well and when jr got to HS he wound up a top rated QB his freshman year with college offers already flooding in. This was no easy task. This was a full time job for dad, who also coached at the HS level. He made sure he dedicated his life to his son’s success and parlayed his own success through that.
D2 is in that same process. He made his kid a running back. He made sure he had access to the best training. Instead of building a team around his kid he went to teams and found after another that would form around his kid. His kid capitalized on it, winning championships and becoming a state all star. Occasionally his kid played above level, but the key here was exposure and winning and, while he said growth, it was touches and opportunities. This kid’s story is yet to be written, but it doesn’t look as though he is going to be the same as D1. I think the parent got it wrong. I think somewhere along the way—for both of them—it stopped being about the kid. The difference it seems is not just the success but the friendships formed. You cannot form those relationships as a mercenary.
Parents feel like youth sports are an opportunity to see their kids shine. They want to believe their kid is the top dawg; their kid’s team is the top team. I know a crew whose coach is, well, terrible. He comes from a family that has D1 players but he is not one and he is not a very good coach fundamentally or in the moment calling plays. What he does have is desire and that leadership role. He bolsters that by being false with his players. He calls them champions when the reality is they didn’t play anyone. They are champs of chumps—even in the context of the D2 of the league. Yet they are touted (by him and the rest of the team’s followers) as the top team in the state.
Just no.
But who is going to stop them? You can lie to yourself a lot easier in youth sports than in any other level. High School changes things. Heck, middle school can wake you up to the talent around you. Yes, there are ways even at that level to maintain the lie. I know a bunch of charter schools who do exactly that. However, you cannot lie forever. Parents want to lie as long as they can. That is why Santa and the Elf on the Shelf are so ubiquitous. But lying does the kid no good. Competition and truthfulness do.