10 Minute Rule

I’m plotting my new novel from a different direction. The story involves characters who enter into a situation that is already happening and their impact on the situation changes it and them forever. So, I am starting with the situation and the history and the people surrounding it. This is a new approach. Generally, I tell a story about the characters and start from them, but here they are getting involved in a preexisting plot and who they are will change the arc of that plot. In order to do so, I need to develop a separate set of players–protagonist, antagonist, etc. These are the people who are having their own story unfold and I am deep in the telling of that. Some of those moments will cross into the written story, so I am working on developing all of that to the best of my ability.

I like this approach. I’ve long been taught that the story begins when the character’s normal lives are interrupted. The hero’s journey takes that one step further by starting with the normal world and leading us into the interruption. This structure is a shift in perspective, because it puts the emphasis on everything else happening in this world and forces the characters to react to that steady driving rain of action and intensity in a way that forces who they are as individuals into question.

Of course, I already have high hopes of making this one better than the last one.

Some Thoughts:

1. Hitting that point in the semester where it all needs to come together. It hasn’t yet…
2. Also hitting that point where I have a ton of responsibilities to check into. I haven’t yet…
3. Giants lost. It was a good game. We lost Shep again. That’s a huge loss and people are gonna need to step up and make plays. Giants really need K. Toney. Where you at, Joka?!
4. Life is feeding me lemons. I’m gonna plant the seeds and see what grows.

Made it to another Sunday.

Making it through another Sunday. The part that makes these days difficult is the impending onslaught of classes and responsibilities when all I really want to do is kick back with my family, write some words, and play some games… and watch some football. I’ve done most of that list today, and this ten minute burst of inspiration is the writing part.

Some Thoughts:

1. I think I figured out a solid way to make the family Madden league fun. We banned trades. Trading was ruining the experience, because the trade AI is janky at best. We banned trades and need to rely on drafting and free agency to improve our squads. We are presently voting on a rule to modify Superstar abilities and X-factors in the offseason. It will of course come to a vote. They want to be able to get the ‘best’ abilities and specifically the ones best suited to their play styles. I say draft or sign players that role like that. Part of me gets a coach forcing you to play a certain way, but it doesn’t mean you’re given special abilities in that style.
2. My team, The Giants, are in jeopardy of missing the playoffs in Madden and, since that was my season goal, I am in jeopardy of getting fired in year one. Whoa. I’d have to win out and rely on luck to make it at this point. The outcome is no longer entirely in my control and that is due to failures spread across the season–failures that start with bad QB play. I’m not a good QB player to begin with and this is me with Desmond Ridder. One game he threw at least 9 picks. He will not be my starter next year. He’ll be 3rd string at best.
3. Madden is a mixed bag for me.

Thich Nhat Hang writes, “Hope is important, because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” I find truth in his words, but I also find several questions. What happens in the absence of hope? Why can’t we make today better? These are fundamental questions to my life. I am a man who carries a lot inside. Eventually it spills on to the page in some manner. If it does not then it chokes me until I become less of who I am–I burn away more of that connection to what makes me a person. I have struggled lately with watching myself erode and not taking care of myself or even thinking to create conditions that will make me better equipped to bear hardship. Instead I eat it all.

Then I vomit it all out all over my partner.

That makes me a bad person more times than not. So, I need to find a better way. I need to treat the people around me better. I need to deal with my shit better, and I need to embrace this idea of hope in a realistic way.

There are so many good things in my life–my partner, my writing, my kids, not being homeless, the freedom to vacation, a job I truly enjoy. Those alone constitute a life worth bearing the the hard times for. Each alone is enough to create a life around. I need to be thankful for who I am and more importantly, who I have around me–and who they have around themas opposed to spending so much time worrying about who is thankful for me.

History is supposed to be the great teacher. We are meant to learn from our trials and mistakes and those of the others who came before us. We stand on the backs of giants, so to speak. However, we often ignore history or relegate it to a ‘different time and condition’ preferring to think that our situation doesn’t have the same hallmarks of human nature that theirs did. Each time I speak with my son about football, I feel that. Without vocalizing it, his drop in effort and attitude shows me that he intends to quit this team–if he hasn’t done so already in his heart. On the eve of his homecoming game he is more concerned about not being the starter and thus reduced playing time than he is about the condition that got him there. He has decided that the coach likes another player better than him, despite his being ‘the better player’. Thus he feels like he isn’t getting a fair chance, however circumstances say that he is getting a fair chance and his attitude is what is dragging him to the bottom of the pack.

There are 4 cornerbacks on the varsity squad who will play. My son used to be #1. He’s fallen to #4 very quickly. He feels like 1 and 2 are coach favorites. That’s fine. ‘Why aren’t you 3?’ I ask, but he has no answer. I see the answer in his face. He isn’t putting in the effort that he claims he is. He is giving up on himself they way I gave up on myself who I was in college. So, maybe it is time I tell him that story. Maybe he calls me a old head and rails about how different it is. Maybe he realizes that the owness is on him, finally.

It is hard to be happy around unhappy people. This is made worse if you are in fact attached to those of such unhappiness. It is natural to both feel responsible for their sadness and responsible for relieving them of that sadness. This is all true if you are me, and I am surrounded by people who are not happy. It impacts me on a daily basis. I would argue that I am not the happiest person I can be under these circumstances. I would also argue that it harder to deal with my own crap when I am in this situation.

Rant over.

The truth is that we can only control so much in our lives. I’ve managed to submarine myself financially and part of this shared unhappiness is a result of that. It goes deeper, of course, but the part I think is important is recognizing that you are where you are and there has to be a opportunity to find and maintain happiness in that space until you can free yourself of it. Drowning in misery doesn’t help anything or anyone in your life. I, personally, am quite bad and desperate in times of misery. It morphs very quickly into anger (often of the righteous variety) and that helps no one as well. I’m learning how to be better and find the light.

Thich Nhat Hang says, “People deal too much with the negative, with what’s wrong. Why not try to see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom?” I aim to do that in my existence.

Giants are a 2-0 team and looking to go 3-0 after the upcoming Monday Night tilt with the Cowboys. Give credit where credit is due. The Gints (spelling on purpose) are a team finding a way to win, which is a distinct contrast from a year ago when they were finding a way to lose. Clearly. Now, there are still issues. This is not a finished product, and we are sitting on some players/salary stuff that will be very impactful in the long run, but I trust in the front office and I trust in the coaching staff and I trust in the players. Win or lose, it is going to be exciting.

Win. Definitely win. Cooper Rush means more of a commitment to the run game and more of a balanced offensive attack from a coach who basically broke his top RB. That being said, we bottled up two of the leagues top rushers in the first two weeks. Now we face Zeke and Pollard, who will need to do serious damage against what will likely be an 8-man front. On the offensive side of the ball we know the Giants are weak against speed edges. Panthers took advantage there, and the week before that the sacks kept coming. However, I think Barkley will continue to produce and setup opportunities for guys like Toney to expose a suspect yet opportunistic secondary.

Other folks are playing football too…

Miami goes to Buffalo and Tua is about to experience a beatdown.

Carolina might get off the L column at home against NO

PIT will defeat CLE.

CHI over HOU

KC dominates a very bad Colts team

DET proves itself against MIN in a shootout

BAL proves too much against NE

CIN gets a WIN in NY

In a battle of 0-2 teams, we finally see King Henry ascend the throne.

Philly is legit gonna be 3-0

While the Jags will fall to 1-2

I cannot call LA v. AZ. I just don’t know about either team anymore. They both feel like shells of their former selves.

Speaking of Shells… Atlanta sucks. They will be defeated by Seattle, but possibly it is a moment to see Pitts shine?

Tampa 3-0? Probably.

SF is better without Lance? Maybe. I don’t know. It isn’t fair to the kid after that rainy start and ensuing week 2 injury. I think there is alot on the line here in Denver. I don’t know what happens, but it ought to be a show.

I’m going to be brief in the intro. A lot transpires on a Tuesday–namely because I am out the door before the sun. Often I’m done teaching before noon and deep into grading by one. Here and now I’ve chosen to pause and get some of the very important stuff handled. Stuff like blogging my ten. However, I don’t have a single deep or meaningful thought. I do have…

Some Thoughts:

1. Relatively lost my mind today when I discovered that the class I busted my butt to bring to the campus was being taught by a random person and not me. My conspiracy-hacked brain assumed malicious intent and I started asking questions. My partner forced me into cool down upon which I discovered that there was not malicious intent and I am a overheated dummy.
2. All of that is to say that I am dealing with a stress level beyond that with which I am comfortable. I am no fan of the condition. Not at all. I need the woosaaa treatment quickly. I need to refocus on the things that matter and realize that this isn’t all a house of cards. I have spent equal time generating and feeding into negativity and this must end.
3. Listing helps. Personal diary rants help. What helps most of all is having a plan with which to move forward. I am working on that at every level. Patience is key, and nobody who matters in the main arenas of what is to be is patient anymore, so that heaps more stress on me.
4. At least the Giants are winning.
5. I recognize more each day how major a role football plays in my existence.
6. I recognize more each day how many more healthy days I’ve lived than I have left to live if I don’t get my pre-diabetic ass back in the gym.
7. The problem is I want all the issues of the personal sphere solved today. I lack the patience for the journey.
8. I ought to just kick back and write more stories…
9. Yes, that.

You have to believe it. You have to allow yourself to believe it. A new week is a new opportunity to get your shit together. If it isn’t then a new week is merely the extension of the bad shit that dogged you last week. That is not a very healthy way to roll into Monday morning. You have an opportunity to excel today. You have every ability to grab control of your life and, no matter your situation, make one choice that is better for you today.

My choice is planning.

I am, by nature, a bad planner. While I attempt at planning it never sticks. This is what holds me back from any true leadership or exceptional (by public standards) parenting. If I’m being honest, it makes me a shit partner as well, because she is constantly left to plan everything because I cannot (for the life of me) get my shit together. That last part is the truth I evade constantly. If I could just take a step forward in getting my shit together I would be infinitely better as a partner. So, you can see why my choice is planning.

What is a small step you can take to move forward? For me I’ve gone through dozens of iterations of how to get it right, and the ‘coolest’ is to get a nice daily journal and write down everything for the day in that journal. I’ve spent a wealth on journals with specific lines and structures to tell me how to plan out my day, but do I really need all that? In truth, I need a list. I need to know: This is what I need to handle today. This is the way these things are prioritized. Then I go from there. So, my plan is to use one of my many many empty journals as my new daily planner. They are small enough to be portable and efficient to the task. They are also quite pretty, and that appeals to me as well.

Being comfortable in carrying that journal, I will write down my list of priorities, rank them, and execute with extreme determination. This is indeed The Way.

Find your Way.

I get to watch the Giants in 30 minutes.

Thich Nhat Hanh once wrote, “Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion” I too vow to live the day with compassion and joy. I intend to make the most out of each day. I will imbibe joy as much as possible. I will not dwell in the negative and I will be happy with who I am as an individual. All my faults, all my bad parts are equal in sum to my good parts. They together make me the person that I am and I must embrace that person.

This does not mean I do not strive to be better. I accept who I am and where I am. For example, I tend to dwell on things that don’t matter at all to others–taking me out of the moment I am in with them and into the moment of dwell. I can control when that happens. I can be far more present. I can do this and still dwell in an appropriate time and place when it does not impact those around me.

I must learn to embrace these difficulties as challenges to be overcome. As I stand I have allowed myself to become overwhelmed by challenges. This must not be so. Every challenge has its place in the hierarchy and I must learn to establish both that hierarchy and the ability to shift between challenges when I have an appropriate means to respond.

It is a really beautiful day outside and I am alive. This is all good news. It is important to fall into a little bit of good news once in a while in order to avoid feeling like everything is awful. If I’ve learned one thing about myself it is that the good stuff generally gets ignored, and the problems become focal. This makes me a shit romantic partner and kind of ruins my chances as a human being in general. So, I’m working on that.

I suspect we can all use a little bright in our lives. I could hop in the pool today and enjoy what that has to offer. I actually have a pool. This is not a thing I suspected would be a part of my life throughout the better part of my life, so that is a nice moment of reflection.

In general I am trying to take stock of the good as I come to terms with the not so good moving forward. I cannot allow myself to dwell heavily on the bad, because that is what leads to the dark side. Seriously, ask Anakin.

Some Thoughts:

1. I severely injured myself… while sleeping. I don’t have a clue how it happened. It may be a torn rotator cuff, but the pain stems from a spot above the tricep, which by every website (yeah, i know I need a real doctor) indicates a form of tendonitis or bursitis. Hopefully it is just that and not a tear.