Month: March 2018

Writing is only important if you decide that it is. You also decide how important it is. I find writing to be excruciatingly important… in my mind… though I often overlook it in practice. I continue to put other things in front of the words, which is why the words are not nearly as prolific and I am not nearly as well read (both my reading and people reading me) as I expected to be at this point. Likewise, I always felt like I could develop worlds on a near weekly basis and enjoy that kind of work. It never came to pass.

So, where are we now? I am in a headspace where I recognize that I will never be the writer I was, but I believe the writer I will become is going to be awesome. The writer I am is not half bad himself… It comes down to accepting how important I make things and thus how important you make things in general. Our lives are built on the importance we allot to particular things. Finding out what matters and how much is key.

Some Thoughts:

1. Have players always become coaches at this breakneck speed? Every team I turn to has a former pro leading the charge. From Bobby Hurley to Kevin Ollie the coach experiment continues. I am fully aware the trend has been going for some time, but it is especially notable as of late.
2. American Idol is back looking for that next fresh-faced Carrie Underwood story. Here is what ruined AI: The fans. At some point the fans decided what story they wanted to win vs. what singer they really wanted to see become a pop icon–an American Idol. They gotta backpedal and get it right. Something tells me they haven’t entirely figured that out yet.

I’m trying to catch my breath. We are halfway through the spring semester, on the verge of a daylight savings shift, and falling right into spring break. All of this comes at a time when I really need to sit, assess, and get my plans in order. There is a lot happening all around me. I am enjoying some solid writing opportunities and a good amount of writing energy to go with it. I am excited and looking forward to putting out stuff really soon. Meanwhile I am watching my boys blossom in their own ways and recognizing that as they grow, we grow together,

But first I need to get organized.

The key to being successful (for me at least) is understanding what ultimately needs to get done and breaking that down into manageable pieces while keeping site of the larger goal. Yeah, it sounds like a load of corpspeak, but some of that stuff actually makes sense when you peel back the onion-like layers of BS. The fact is, scaling and planning a semester is a lot like planning and structuring a novel. I teach one and tend to suck at the order. It is up to you, dear reader, to figure out which is which.

Presently I am trying to lean into the idea of upping my finances with writing opportunities while getting better at being a writing teacher and better at being a writer. All of these things are possible with effort and, well, desire. I’ve rediscovered a smidge of that desire and even more of that understanding that I can do this, which is like taking that first slow step into the ocean that you will eventually swim.

Some Thoughts:

1. Blog has to get brighter–not just for me but… okay, yeah. Just for me.
2. Not sure how I feel about the recent sports trades or sports at all. I am of the mindset that I have zero interest in buying the new Madden or any new game at present. I’m not really done with being a gamer, but I can’t think of new games I want to own right now. Maybe that means it is time for me to create one?
3. About to listen to Ready Player One again. It was quite good the first go.

This is raw unedited writing. 10 minutes of a conversation that may or may not appear in a piece I am presently working on. 10 minutes of a writer at work… well, 9 now…

 

Chevy eased the door shut with both hands, careful to brace himself and avoid any hint of sound. His mother tracked noise the way dogs track game, and if she was in the same condition he’d left her this morning, he wanted know part of a conversation with her.

But it came anyway.

She was at the top of the stairs, a bit of shadow hunched and staring. She said, “Why were you out?”

He said, “I didn’t expect you to be up this late. I figured I would be quiet and just let you about your business.”

“Your business is my business, boy. Now answer the damn question.”

“I was out. I was with friends. It was fine.”

She shuffled half way down the stairs, shadow giving way to a floral print robe, stringy black hair and a face caked with old makeup. “You don’t get to tell me what is fine. You tell me what you do and I tell you. Fine is you getting a job. Fine is you showing up at a reasonable hour and not storming my house at all hours of the damn night! You better not have been out with that man again–the one you told me about.”

“Have you been drinking?”

She paused mid descent. The way her face moved when she stared at him made him think of holovids of extinct bird species, the way they almost wobbled when they stared you down. Even now, years past the last time she’d beaten him, there wasn’t much that scared him more than that look did. He apololgized for his question, but it was already too late. She flew down the stairs at him, all pretense of age and late night fatigue vanishing in a growing torrent of rage. He took a step back, tried to apologize again, and then she was on him.

Last night was yet another reminder why I personally cannot wait until the end of the day in order to be productive. By the time I put the kids down and sat on the couch to write I was about done with thinking entirely. I tried. I pecked at the keys, passed out, woke up, pecked some more, and finally succumbed right there on the couch to sleep. I don’t think I had more than three straight hours the entire night. That is why a 20 minute nap today felt like I was transported to another world. A minecraft world, in fact. Two days into my return to the Minecraft Meditations I am rediscovering the palliative benefits of the practice. I feel better. Peaceful. Ready to be productive in the real world as I am in the false one constructed on my screen.

In other news, I cannot wait for Minecraft VR.

I have been lucky enough to see a time where cross-platform crafting is a thing and hopefully it becomes a thing that my family can do in this world I am slowly spinning. Hopefully I shall continue spinning it and all of the palliative benefits that have come along with it.

 

 

I logged in to post the newest blog and realized that I hadn’t posted the last blog. Blame it on the zen. Blame it on a thundering inability to function in the evenings. So, I posted, passed out, and here I am not trying to fumble my way through another night blog.

Every peck a miracle.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. I am realizing how often writers tend to sacrifice facts for good writing. When watching an episode of Lethal Weapon they did some things with airplanes that didn’t make any sense. Still, it made for a fun story. Such is a writer’s life. Well, a cheap and lazy writer’s life…

I found myself with a few hours to myself and the first thing I did was dive into Minecraft. I was long overdue for a minecraft meditation. The meditations are brief periods during which I listen to a Dharma talk while affecting some zen crafting. There are a number of things that can make my life better, and continued moments of peace are one of them. This thing I do–this separating from reality to craft something–is really effective in a way that writing can no longer be. I’m writing as part of a writing career. I’m crafting for beauty and joy. There is no profit or even deeper meaning in what I do in the digital world. It is pure escapism and joy. It sits atop a painfully short list of things I do purely for myself.

I’m not sure this blog is even on the list.

I might do the blog at least partly out of a need to write every single day. Even if the writing is not that good.

Some Thoughts:

1. Oscars were really solid yesterday–especially given that I got to spend it with family. That makes it all the better.
2. The show is a reminder that I need to watch better stuff. I also need to get back to watching foreign stuff.

I tend to make grand predictions about football, but the Oscars? I’m trash on picking winners. I’m the guy who always thinks DiCaprio should’ve had it–or in this case, Roger Deakins. His cinematography is breathtaking, noted, Oscar-worthy, and dissed. Blade Runner 2049 represents his 14th nomination. While I want him to win, I no longer see that as realistic. It would be the Cubs winning the Series. The Browns winning the Superbowl (FYI, based on past records over the last decade plus, the Browns have a 30% chance of winning a football game. The Patriots have a 40% chance of winning a Super Bowl. This means the Patriots have a better chance of winning the big game than the Browns do of winning a game).

I neglected to ‘do my research’ on the Oscars, but based on the Globes and what I’ve seen, there are some solid surprises about to unfold this evening. I for one am excited to see it all go down.

Some Thoughts:

1. I hate bugs. It occurred to me that this season in my state is a near-perfect bug free time. It occurred because I spotted my first bug in a while and I was sufficiently grossed out and, well, a bit put off. I feel far less secure around the crawlies as they might consider crawling on me. That just cannot happen.

I do my best thinking in the shower.

I feel entirely at peace and at one with the universe as the water crashes over me and the heat and steam fill my body with a sense of calm. My mind is set drift to consider the universe and the possibilities of life and what life can and should be and of death and what I believe that to be. So, it should be normal that I blog immediately after I leave the shower.

And here we are.

I started thinking about today’s events and how it felt to be in a space and time and way of thinking that is totally separate from my day to day life. On a daily basis I exhibit such a high level of laziness that it is surprising that anything gets done at all. Today I pulled a 13 hour day from doorstep to doorstep. I was out the entire day and coaching and watching and enjoying (and growing sore) the entire day. I love football, so it didn’t feel like work. However, I love teaching too, so the work associated with that–the planning and structuring, the feedback, etc. Should be something I can suck it up and accomplish in much the same fashion–or at least time frame. It usually isn’t. I don’t work that hard every day, but on a day like today when I put in that much time, I actually feel energized. Likewise, when I go to the gym and put in the effort to be a healthier human, I actually feel energized. So, here is what it comes down to:

Hard work is actually very good for me. The more I fall into the labor of things, the better life goes for me. 

Here is the problem: I have a very tough time getting started and once I stop, it is hard to start again. I’m an old engine that purrs like a kitten on the highway yet cries like one on the through streets. Some revelation there.

Some Thoughts:

1. Tough football losses all day. The 7on7 teams were knocked out of the tourney in the first round. Both teams fell. However, the White team already punched their ticket to the regional championship tourney. Blue has work to do.
2. The flag team made it to the championship with several big come from behind wins. Only to lose in that fashion in the big game.

My mid kid has 12 hours of football coming up. He’s expected to play a game every hour (with lunch break!) from 8-8. 12 hours of football for the kid. Hope he’s in that kind of shape. Personally I think he will have a blast. I’ve been listening to the text, Born to Run and the part I am on focuses on the roll of joy in a player’s ability to excel and to push through. I feel this kid is there and by the end of the day his games will get stronger.

I’m in a space mentally where I feel a kinship with what the boy is going through. I feel like I’m pushing through a lot to get to where I need to be, and I feel a certain sense of joy in the effort.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. Interesting point by Chadwick Boseman on the Daily Show yesterday. When questioned about whether or not he was worried if an African accent would turn people off, he referred to the prevalence of British accents and reminded us how used to accents we are and how much we enjoy them–but having it be black does somehow make it different.
2. The Alexa network went down today. It was brief, but it was a reminder that stuff is fragile and interconnected, and hackable.
3. I’m not ready to see Black Panther again yet, but I expect to see it again in a theatre. Take my money, please!

By all accounts I should be asleep.

I have to be up by 4:50 in the morning and out the door thirty minutes after that. It would be easier if I didn’t also have to wrangle three children into the car and two still-to-be-filled garbage cans to the curb before that. This is what suburban life looks like for a single dad. This is also what a life sounds like when you’re wasting a good deal of it. I am moving incredibly slowly towards what is likely a few decades of solid writing and happiness. I’m coming into this extremely late, having basked in the joy of laziness and partnerships that did everything to keep me stagnant. I’m enjoying a partnership now that reminds me that I am better than stagnation. This is more than helpful, it is redefining.

I’ve rediscovered a bit of that attitude that reminds me that I can do anything, and I have the capacity to be anything I want to be in this life. It just is going to require a lot of hard work.