Here is a terrible truth I’ve learned about myself: I am influenced by the people around me. It doesn’t matter if they are peers, seniors, or kids. The overwhelming preponderance of a vibe will impact my vibe. This is why the number of people without ambition in my life and in my home scares me. When surrounded by people without ambition it is harder to maintain ambition. In truth, having ambition makes you the outsider and makes it so that your ambition is a hinderance to the lifestyle being led because you are not comfortable with the status quo or the simplicity of the lives swirling around you.
I am struggling greatly with this in my life. I come from a place where everyone around me was grinding. I went from that to a university setting where everyone around me was grinding and I had to grind even harder just to keep up. I went from that to a writing program where everyone was creative and every writer was putting out amazing work and I had to get better just to keep up. I went from that to being a new dad in a new city fighting for a chance to earn a job at a college. I went from that to being the young gun professor at a community college trying to make a name for myself and establish an identity around all of these seasoned professors who’d carved out their spot and name and following. I went from that to switching jobs to a new school where I had to do it all over again whilst (yeah, I used whilst, I’m that guy) raising kids, being a coach fighting for recognition and wins, competing to earn the right to write a novel for an established company, etc.
I went from that to living in a space where the key goal is to work as little as possible and spend as much time as possible in front of a screen either gaming or watching and having no desire to create anything or to do anything that breaks the routine of sameness. Nobody is pushing me to be a better writer. As much as the Lady Talis tries to fill that role, it can only come from within the writing community. I need ambition around me. I need to feel that desire to be more or I become less. I don’t have it in my life at present. I don’t really even know where to find it. I have not cultivated it enough in my own children. I see sparks in a few, but the overwhelming reality is the environment dictates my life and the environment degrades me. Sometimes it takes being away from all of it to see it for what it is.