Day: March 17, 2024

It is weird to get old.

I am, finally, resolved to the fact that I will one day cease to exist. What that means is truly beyond my understanding. In my mind it means that I have these moments and memories that I collect and one day I’ll complete my collection. So, for me the goal is to have as many wonderful moments as I can throughout. I don’t live for the afterlife. I live for what is in my grasp. I live for the love I feel for the people around me and the hope of what growth they can obtain. I guess that is why some of my kids so deeply frustrate me. I never expected to see them top out so early and at a level that I don’t personally approve of. However, though their lives entwine with mine deeply, theirs is not mine. Instead I am blessed with opportunity and possibility–even just shy of 50 years in.

I am happy. I am growing and trying very hard to be someone who is a creator and who is reliable and yet remains a kid at heart. I am also someone who is deciding on a place to finally nest. By nest I mean to hatch this new future of a 50+ year old. Oddly, I’ve been drawn to Texas. I think there are spaces there that exist that are inexpensive and create the opportunity to go elsewhere very cheaply. This is a reality that must be further explored.

I just read a story about a group of women fighting off a cougar. I’ve been reading posts from a good friend fighting off Cancer. Day by day I see these incredible stories of true courage and it makes me feel like there is real fight in people when the chips are down and their backs are up against it. I also see true courage in people around the world–people who are going through real shit. People in Palestine, people in Israel, people in the toughest parts and economic conditions in America, people on the border, people everywhere I look. Yet I also see politics diminishing the truth of so many of these struggles and I see people who should be seen but really are not seen for the hate and vitriol from which so many draw power and influence.

I keep thinking about Monsters INC and the deeper message that the power that fear can generate is so much less than what love creates. I don’t know that we as a people really get to see the truth of that. SO much of our media focuses on the strength of fear–be it the films we watch or the news they create to keep us enthralled. It is easier to reach for fear than love, that much is certain. Easy seems to be the key in this modern world. Easy and maximum profit.

I am terrified that Trump will win. I am terrified that he wont. Already too many have forgotten how bad it was over his reign. Here is a video reminder of how badly he screwed up the Covid response. Or this Atlantic article on the subject of his failures. Trump actively pooped the bed as a President. He set us back decades on the world stage. He forfeited trust in our country as a global power in exchange for the fear that we would be crazy enough to do something stupid and arrogant. That makes a great number of Americans very happy, but the truth is those same Americans don’t have any real sense of world politics, the balance of power, or anything beyond the states in which they live. “Truth” is spoonfed to them through apps and newsfeeds designed to tell them exactly what they want and need to hear to remain in the thrall.

If he wins, he’s pledged to be a dictator. That is bad.

If he loses he’s going to act like it was fixed and foment another attack on democracy. Just the other day he argued it would be a bloodbath if he looses, and he didn’t even attempt to clarify what that could possibly mean. The USA is walking into a lose-lose scenario. Shame on the people who got us here in the first place.