I don’t take pride in anger. I’m not a hulk type who has this deep seeded sense of ‘don’t make me angry’ or anything like that. I dislike the loss of control in almost all forms. It is for that very reason–one that is born in part out of growing up black in a place where I was taught to believe that all black men are angry and thus less than and dangerous–that I take a lot of shit. I take an especially large amount of shit from the people who claim to love me. In fact, I spend the majority of my time and my energy dealing with putting them in a better situation even if it often means detracting or distracting from my life.
Case and point: I’m sitting here on a Saturday afternoon writing this blog because my kids didn’t want to do chores when it was time to do chores and I therefore extend the wait time an entire hour to appease them, which made me upset, which also of course pissed off the Lady Talis to no end. Now everyone is pissed, and it is all my fault. What did I do with that hour? Spent it being upset. What did they do with that hour? Chillax. This is a problem, because I end up being walked on by people who do not have as much invested in the relationship as I do. Thus, I failed, created unnecessary tension in the core tet, and did nothing to help these kids grow. I guess I’m qualified to teach Bad Parenting 101.
Chores have become yet another in a series of household headaches that increasingly one sided and unfair in more ways than I care to list in this brief rant. To be clear, there needs to be changes in my life that help everyone grow in a positive direction as opposed to living as prisoners of increasingly laziness and other bad behaviors. Relationships at this level are meant to be two-way, and when they are not, it becomes a burden that threatens to destroy the relationship entirely. I may be right at that point with a lot of people.