Day: March 7, 2024

I’ve been thinking a bunch about my teaching–specifically about the longstanding issues I’ve had with running a 16 week class. I lose the thread in parts, and I think I good deal of that has to do with planning and how I plan it. I talk about planning the class in 4 week chunks, but haven’t. I talk about doing a lot of things differently, but in the end my work hours go to semi-last minute prep, grading, and making sure I am doing enough beyond the classroom to justify that I receive a salary. If I was an adjunct it would be purely about the in-classroom work, but the expectation of faculty is that you do more. I love the idea of that, but I need to get right in the classroom. No, my classes don’t suck. They also don’t live up to my personal expectations.

I’ve found that a great deal of my life on a daily basis does not live up to my personal expectations. Some of that is due the the conditions and people around me, but if I have learned anything from years of first being in then being a counselor, I’ve learned that I have to accept the things I cannot change and maintain focus on the factors within my control. For example, my current schedule argues that I must produce 1 chapter every two days. Yet, the first thing I did upon waking up was to drink coffee and play Apex Legends. I have a problem. It is one I recognize, but a problem nevertheless.

Some Thoughts:

1. This is random, but going back to an old thought about ASMR. I feel like the issue for me is innocence and intention. The best stuff is either accidental or utterly innocent–meaning without any adjustment towards sexualizing the content visually or in the way of speaking. My problem is that I prefer listening to female voices to relax and the majority of those are licentious. I’m not here for it. I’m left to seek out the rare ones that are not or the handful of really good male voices. Oddly enough the majority of those male voices are foreign. Bob Ross remains the GOAT.

The other day I watched several vitriolic sports fans spew hate at Colorado football. They use too many transfers! They don’t do things the traditional way! They’re too loud! These players play only for themselves! All of these comments are reflections of a deeper and I feel more insidious philosophy that extends far beyond football and is reflective of American principles we’d all rather not discuss. But I’m here for it, and it boils down to the roots of what we call racism.

Let me start by arguing that racism is not about race. It is about belonging and the other. It is about fear. It is about blame and worry. Few people who feel racism deep in their bones do so out of a genetic superiority philosophy. I didn’t fully grasp that until I began to realize how many of these spotlighted racist organizations are often led or shouted up by people of the race they proclaim to hate. Chappelle hinted at this in his first ever skit on his show.

While Bigsby didn’t know he was black, his people did. Just like Enrique Tarrio and others. Al Jazeera posted a wonderful essay on the subject. It is about being part of the in group and about feeling either powerful in your belief and group or about feeling oppressed. Both can be true in different situations. How does any of this relate to Colorado football? Well, the Buffs are not at all about pride in that city or that college (I’m a damn proud Cyclone and they are–once again–conference rivals) it is about pride in Deion Sanders and what that man represents. So too is the hate.

Just recently I watched a post war unfold where a hater Ole Miss fan argued that schools that don’t build from the ground up are destined to fail, because transfer portal players only play for themselves and don’t add to the team culture. Okay, well Ole Miss added 17+ transfer players each of the last two seasons–mostly starters. So is it different because Ole Miss did it? Or is it different because Colorado also exploited it? Arizona state added 31 transfers last year and 23 this year. Nobody talks about them “going about it the wrong way” instead their young coach is being praised for rebuilding the program. USC and other big name schools have been relying on transfers for highlight positions for years without being criticized. Jayden Daniels and Caleb Williams were both transfers and both were treated as if they were not only part of but leaders in the cultures of their respective programs.

The hate comes from a place where people don’t want to see Prime succeed. The hate is intensified because of the spotlight he brings. The more people are forced to see Prime and his family on TV, the more they hate… or love. This polarization is normal. This is what we see with the Chiefs and the Taylor Swift storylines. None of it means that Prime’s Colorado team is going to be terrible or very good. In fact, it drowns any real debate of talent in superlatives and assumptions. What I loved in the beginning of the Prime run was his honesty about where they were. They didn’t have anything resembling a secure O or D line. They knew this and they still came out to compete. Now they’ve gone and recruited some beef–the most important step to being a dominant football program. Now we will see what is real.

The time for talk is far from over. The season is far from beginning. All we can do is wait.. and hope.