10 Minute Rule

I think it is time to lend some credence to the idea of the relief pitcher position in football. Not all teams need a Hienicke to come in and save the day, but those who do seem to jump off the page in those situations. PJ Walker also fits the scenario as do guys like Nick Foles. All of these QBs have seen success in recent years. Others, like Geno Smith and Tua are best cast as system guys who, in the right system, might just be golden. I am prepared to add Daniel Jones to that list, because in the Giants system where he is asked to play a Lamar-style role with his arm and legs, he is seeing massive success. That being said, I would LOVE to see the Giants move on from DJ to LJ if possible. Putting Lamar on the Giants would change the team and make that offense nearly unstoppable.

They’re pretty stoppable now–at least through the first three quarters. Then it’s the league’s best offense and Defense you’re forced to contend with. The comeback kids have done it so often and so smoothly that the game really doesn’t feel like it is out of reach ever. That being said, I was super worried about the Jags game being a trap and exposing our weakness to speedy/shifty RBs. It did, and Kenneth Walker will do more of the same this weekend. I’ll be there to cheer my guys on in the (80% probable) rain and the (49 degrees) cold where the ball and the hits will sting just a bit more.

Yeah, I’m saying the Giants pull this one out. Close, but yes.

Other matchups around the league deserve attention, but that is a conversation for Waiver Thursday….

Some Thoughts:

1. Marble League is BACK!!!!

Tune in tomorrow for Waiver Wednesday when I’ll brag a bit about winning and talk a bit more about how I hope to secure a good playoff spot. Today’s talk is focused again on the idea of place, purpose, and passion. As I continue to spend time in these woods I am finding myself in a space in which I am not entirely focused on games, but am making time for all of what matters in my life. This is the simplicity and hard working existence my partner craves and I have actively shunned for quite some time. I’m enjoying every moment of it, and even finding ways to settle in and strike a balance of what I do. Heck, I’ve even put in some time on games–couple of hours on Clash Royale to be sure. It all has me thinking about what life is and should look like when I get back to the desert and that vapid routine of existence.

I need to decide how much time to devote to things. I struggle with stillness at home, because there is so much available to do. I can always be gaming, so instead of stillness I default to that, or to listening to a book, or cleaning up after the kids, or writing, or working. There’s less to do here but doing it fills more hours . That is worth considering.

Above all else I need to establish a locked-in daily routine that provides space for variance in terms of when it starts and ends. Having routine things to do each day settles me, and forces me to reflect on life in a way I don’t often lean into. I have a few more days to figure out what that looks like.

Time away from the distractions of games and the lifestyle of gaming that exists in my daily home is good. It allows me to see and think about a life that isn’t that chunky soup of sadness. I think it is important to have things going on in life vs. merely at work or that decadence of only having the next gaming session to worry over.

I am in a place where the culture is work. The conversation is work. The lifestyle is work. In this place, on this farm, we think about the daily chores as a way of life and we revel in them and in the calm that is associated with that work. Hobbies, if you can call them that, are building and creating. We’re building another house here, and that is the hobby. We’re shifting wood to be able to have a fire tonight and that sitting by the fire is a moment in time we look forward to creating.

As I take a time out from that to write the blog and to consider the writing I’m to be doing, I am thankful for the opportunity to experience this. It is not like this at home. It is difficult to develop a culture that is only you and your partner, despite the 4 others living there and sinking into their own contrasting culture. In truth, I live between the two cultures, which creates a reality where my calm-driven partner feels alone quite a bit of the time.

I feel whelmed here. I feel overwhelmed at home to the point that I shuck off my responsibility in favor of games. I think there is a greater truth in this that I’ve yet to unlock.

Out in the woods with the family on the ranch and enjoying the trees and the weather and the stillness. While the place is a hotbed of animal activity, the human content is dialed down so low that I can hear the neighbors singing from acres away. I need this. I need the balance of the city bustle and crazy with the distance and (relative) stillness of the woods, which is as much of a part of me as the rest of it, despite growing up a hard core inner city boy. What works best about this is the connections we form with people–with family. It is a way to be honest and open and enjoy the habitat without major distractions.

Still trying to watch that game tho.

Some Thoughts:

1. It does me no good to be studying the internet for information about the patellar injury possibilities. We won’t know the reality until the MRI, and once we get that done we will be able to figure out next steps. The hardest part right now is acceptance.
2. I’m thinking this is the best place to write. When I talk about the balance of the words and the work, I find that this situation works best for me because I’ll be able to feel accomplished and work hard and feel like there is a space for me to go away from the sameness and crazy of the world to separate and write. The office should be that, but the people in our lives–our children–are not-so-tiny meme engines that push out that crap at a horrific rate and living in that stew makes it hard for me to focus. It took not being around it again to realize that. With us all under one roof, I’m noticing it more, and I am noticing how weak I am in terms of my distractions… I give in to them far too easily and quickly.
3. Happy here. Looking forward to the days ahead.

Last night I watched my son try to make a play on the football, stick his foot in the turf, and suddenly go down writhing in pain. It was a non-contact injury that, upon first look, appears to be related to the patellar tendon (often associated with Osgood-schlaters). I of course thought it was another kid with an ACL injury–because it runs in the family. Instead it may be patellar, or LCL, or something else. The swelling followed. As I stood beside him on the medical table I watched him trying to hold in the pain and the emotional pain of seeing his season crash to an end. He struggled this season, and now it feels like this moment may be the end for him entirely. He could (should) miss his track season if this is a tear or a break, which severely tests his chances to get an athletic scholarship to go along with the academic one his grades should afford him. This is life changing –at least in the short term but perhaps even longer depending how it all turns out.

So, now what?

We are in the wait and see mode. He gets the dreaded MRI next week, and from there we will get a diagnosis and move into the treatment phase. Who knows how long it will be until recovery.

Life is war? Not exactly. Not at all, really. When I hear the stories of people who’ve been involved in actual battle or been bystanders or adjacent to horrible events (I’m thinking specifically about my French student who survived a terrorist attack by fleeing into the sea) I recognize how different from the drama of daily life this is and how unfair it actually is to complain about this life I’ve been blessed with. This is, however, not to say that there is no room for feeling sad or that the truth and energy behind those feelings can lead to hopelessness and even suicide. This is to say that both of these things are true, namely because of the fog that descends upon you when you’ve locked yourself into your own reality and the importance of that reality and the tiny and often nagging indicators of trouble within.

I live good.

I could live a great deal better. I could deal with things that bother me better if not for this fog of life that settles over me and makes me able to tolerate the daily routine and even come to appreciate it. The fog makes change feel bad. It makes me react negatively to slights by my kids and it allows me to settle into ruts that, frankly, are destructive in every possible way. Lately I’ve been letting work gather like dust upon my office floor. There is no rhyme or reason to this other than this is what I do when I am here. My partner has been working hard to change that–fighting against the culture of a household that is dedicated to leisure and the pursuit of sameness at all costs.

I need to choose what I want my life to be and have the courage to generate the energy to break free of the Fog. I need to get up and get moving and get myself right. I am getting too old for this shit.

The Cardinals are playing in the background, and I am thinking about the fantasy draft my boys and I are about to undertake. We are doing a Legends league in which we will start with a Legends draft and from there focus on solid player development and draft classes from the Owner’s Box. It should be a fun one, with the first season being completely simulated, setting us up for a start with free agency and new team names. One of the cooler parts of Madden is the ability to relocate your squad, and we expect to explore that to the fullest.

Interacting through games keeps us all together. With the first born up in college it is the only way to connect and play on a regular basis. We find joy in each other this way, and I am looking forward to getting it going. As for our last league? I learned quickly that I’m getting old and they have more time and energy to devote to the game and locate the glitches that help them take advantage of me –and each other. The game is largely about glitches and speed anymore, and I lacked both. I won some games, but I only ever beat one of the three kids in that two season sim. Now, with access to players like Prime Time, I expect to even the field.

At least I hope to…

Just time for a quick ten minutes on the wire….

Let’s start with the Cardinals. Futility. This is how I best describe the off and in-season moves made by the organization. They pursued Hollywood Brown as a security blanket in light of the Hopkins suspension. He ruined his foot–only a month or so removed from breaking the speed laws on the 101. He might be out for the season. He might be back for the playoffs. In lieu of him they went out and grabbed Robby Anderson. This man was so disgusted with his QB situation that he got himself kicked off his own team! He might not be the best locker room partner…

The Giants are rolling, and I am super worried about the Jags. They aren’t a wonderful team, but they can sneak up and bite you. This didn’t happen to the Cowboys, because the ‘boys were prepared. Are we? I hope so. Each week has been a dog fight and I expect another one here. I’ll miss this game, but I look forward to a positive result.

Finally, because I am writing so SLOWLY… The Jets. I’m a begrudging fan. I am happy they drafted a Cyclone RB, and even more excited about how well the man is carrying the rock this year. Still, there is something missing. It may be a dynamic QB. They have a young corps of receivers and that should get them wins, but they are in a tough division with the Bills and Dolphins and, oh yeah, the Patriots. I expect a few more wins this season, but they won’t be playoff bound in the AFC.

I’ve been somewhat of a mess over the past few weeks–dragging out the words until the blogs look more like blurbs or tweets that barely satisfy my ten minute rule. I try to remain faithful to the heart of the thing, but the reality of my jittery brain is that I don’t have a lot in the tank. Too much stress.

I am in the final stages of selling my house to a wholesaler. I don’t recommend it. I got into the situation out of a desire to get the process done quickly and at a price that afforded me an opportunity to both clear my debt and to make a little bit of money for myself that I could set aside as a nest egg for investing in land or whatever at a later date. The process did not go as I planned it. I was repeatedly screwed over and watched my profits dwindle at a horrific rate all the while feeling the pressure of the move building. Now I am at the point where it is happening today, I’m not certain I have (or can) gotten everything out of the house, and the integration of the house cat into the new house is going as poorly as possible.

Let’s not forget that after all of the financial wrangling, the nest egg I set aside for myself is only going to be $900. It is not ideal or rewarding in the least, and the stress has made the entire affair feel like work when I meant it to be a joy. I am fully integrating with my partner and that is wonderful, but the process has left me adrift and drained.

This has been a rough start to the week. I’ve felt quite overwhelmed and unable to perform the basic day to day stuff I’m meant to, and I’m hiding into day where I start teaching at 7AM. I don’t feel ready for any of it. Most of that feeling/pressure comes from the new move. This pressure has me messed up again, forgetting to publish posts, and all of the general white noise that drowns out any real thinking and understanding. I just need to get away, get a reset–a HARD reset–and start to think about the things that matter again.

My brother and I talked today about lists. He doesn’t list like I do in terms of oh, this needs to happen today, lists. He writes down everything and then he organizes it in a mental process that is reflective of his brilliance. That way he can sort through the stuff he needs to sort through. I’ve gone listless and it shows.