10 Minute Rule

I realized today that my kid doesn’t have what it takes to play at the next level.

This is not an adjudication on his physical talents. The tools are there. He is likely the most physically gifted of the three to play. He is not mentally able to or perhaps not willing to fulfill the requirements. He’s an average student academically, which makes him the worst of all five boys. This sharp contrast with his physical abilities makes the matter all the more disturbing. He, more than the others, has decided on this athletic path as his way up. Only he doesn’t do anything he needs to do in order to get there, and he treats the people around him trying to help him with a mixture of disdain and unapologetic expectation that is going to halt his progress here moving into his sophomore year where, I now expect, he will languish on the JV roster and lose all interest and confidence in the path he has chosen.

This is a really hard thing to say as a father, because it sounds like I don’t believe in him. More to the fact, I don’t believe he is doing anything to help himself out. I believe in him. If I didn’t this wouldn’t even be blog subject matter. I have to hold these two opposing ideas in my head at the same time: (1) He has the talent to succeed at the next level. (2) He has chosen to rely entirely on that talent and not put in the work off the field needed to succeed at the next level.

The problem is, again, what he does outside of practice. What that is, is nothing he specifically needs to do. He doesn’t stretch. He does try to get to the gym and lift more. He doesn’t study. He does watch film clips–mostly on insta and tik tok though. He is not there mentally.

I think he can turn it around. It is only going to happen when he digs deep enough to want it more than he wants anything else–anything immediate. He is not there yet.

I’m full. I ate far more than I should have in this one meal of the day. A also am back to eating once a day which is a really bad look. Here’s what else is a bad look: Me almost not doing this blog because I thought I did it in the morning and didn’t. That hadn’t happened in a while. What unfolded today was and is mostly about being stuck and not really allowing myself to dig deep and get right with the situation. I’m excited about upcoming travel. I’m focused on getting the school stuff handled. I am not progressing as quickly as I should on the other writing that I could. Those are my facts on the ground. I need to get better and get right.

Some Thoughts:

1. nothing to say here either… just running out the clock on a long day.

I’ve come to really love outlining. It makes the process of writing more manageable. It does not work for everything. I cannot outline short stories. I can’t see taking a scene and breaking it down to more elements than what happens in that scene or slice of life. I suppose in a longer length story–say 8k? I could find some space to break it down, but shorter works like the 3-5 I tend to work in don’t have that space. Instead I save the outlining for longer projects like the novel and the RPG writing, which beg to be outlined. In fact, I am outlining today… after I grade and do the rest of the doldrum work that is required of me. Of course, the latest schedule has me calling it quits an hour and a half from now, so we will see what actually happens. I will probably push off the school work and let the writing take lead. It is summer, after all.

Some Thoughts:

1. Yoga artists call a collection of moves a flow. I feel like I move into flows of writing in that same fashion, shifting from project to project by finding the connective points that trigger specific parts of my imagination and intellect in sequence.
2. I’ve been using Lewis Jorstad’s The Ten Day Outline as a guide. A writer is never too old or too good to learn from others. I’m here trying to learn.

I’m watching my kid lose his one chance to be successful in sports. At first I thought it was about glitz and connections and him not getting the shine because he and I don’t have the connections, but it isn’t that. It is purely about him being a 15 yr old kid who hasn’t learned quite yet that he has to go out and get what he wants, because it is not going to be handed to him. This comes as a result of a few different moments this week. It started when he went to a D2 college camp and was outplayed and outworked by the hungrier guys out there. Despite the small camp size he only earned 4 reps. He needs to be more vocal and forceful out there. He also needs work in the weight room to really look the part. That camp ended with a lot of excuses on his part. Given the chance today to get practice in, he skipped. In other words, he let himself down again and further jeopardized his chance to play football at the Varsity level this season.

Coaches only put in guys they trust. I don’t even trust him right now, so I doubt the coaches trust him. He just isn’t there. The boy has all the physical assets he needs to be successful. I am just hoping the mental shows in the next few weeks because he is legitimately running out of time to be successful. Unfortunately, I fear he hasn’t gotten there yet. I fear that being placed on the JV roster will turn him into a kid that gives up on his dream, because he wasn’t handed it easily. He needs to build some fight. He needs to build that mental toughness that he just hasn’t come around to having off the field. Put him in a game, he’s fine. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. You gotta earn that spot and he hasn’t recognized what is needed from a mental standpoint to do that. Again, he’s 15, so he has time. But he doesn’t have that much.

Some Thoughts:

1. While not a sports day, this was a sports post. So be it.
2. I am debating working the gym back into my life come this July. I need to build up to it and make it a regular part of my day. I plan to start with morning and evening pushups, getting back to the daily Yoga flow, and trying out some basic core stuff. That should cover a daily routine. The weights would be a two to three times a week add in designed to really get me right come July. I need it. I’m too old to let this weight stand.
3. Also, I feel better when I am in better shape–both physically and mentally. I need that more than anything.

The people in my home are clinically bored. I’m one of them, though my boredom comes as a relief from a very busy week. I spent most of the day playing video games I’ve played hundreds of times. Still had great fun doing it. Tomorrow is Sunday and the start of the workweek, so back to the grind it is. Work on developing some role play content, work on the novel, work on some other role play content, work on classes, set up a real writing schedule for the summer. This is the way.

Some Thoughts:

1. It is real tough when your kid petitions to drop your last name. That’s what is happening to Brad Pitt. So… he’s the bad guy I guess? I cannot understand why I find it hard to believe fully… or why I care.
2. No longer attending GenCon this year. Next time….

Jack watched the alarm go off. He was laying on the bed next to her, the alarm on his side only inches away. He could have turned it off, but he just watched it, pretending to sleep. She groaned and flipped over, pulling the top sheet away with her. He lay still, letting it ring. She turned again, this time back towards him. She shoved him in the back. Hard. He didn’t budge. She shoved him a second time and then a third. After the fourth push, this one with both hands now, she simply gave up. She groaned again, reaching over him to grab his phone. She was naked and her body pushed against his. She clicked off the alarm and dropped it back on the bedside table with a clatter. She looked down and saw him staring up at her. She blinked groggily, groaned, and then settled herself back into a ball on the bed beside him.

Jack got up. He didn’t make any noise when he did it. He collected his phone off the side of the bed and headed towards the bathroom to shower. When he got out of the shower she was fast asleep again. He watched her for a brief moment, thinking. Then he went to his closet. He dressed in black slacks and a white shirt. He passed on the tie. It was a Monday and hardly dawn by now. He found the matching jacket and slipped it on over the shirt. he found black no-see-um socks and a black leather shoes, sliding them on one at a time as he stood. Then with a final glance at the young woman curled into a ball on the left side of his bed, he went downstairs.

From the outside Jack’s two story house looked like all the others on the dusty Arizona street. He had the approved xenoscaping with the two bushes and the one tree that hung too close to the front porch. His driveway was wide enough for two cars but there was only the one, his red Tesla, parked out front. Her car was parked on the street, like it always was.

Some Thoughts:

1. About out of time. The above is just me experimenting. Trying to find my way back into the head of a character I’ve never met before. I’m wandering. Roaming. Rambling even. It is what I do (or used to) to get acquainted with characters. We’ll see more of Jack down the road.

Thursdays I try to reflect on the self–not looking back like on Tuesdays, but a study of health and what it takes to be healthy from your forties to your fifties. I remember about eight or more years ago when I was just cracking into the 40’s a friend who was not doing so well physically told me it was time for both of us to get right. He did it. He became this buff god. He changed to the point where when his health condition caught up to him and he had a widowmaker heart attack, he didn’t wind up making a widow. Two other faculty members I know died this year. I was remarking to the Lady Talis today that maybe he was supposed to be that 3rd, but his choices put him in a better position. My position is not better. I weighed 240 last night, which is way more than my frame is built to handle successfully. I did spend the weekend walking around, and I walked again today, with a brief (no real effort) trip to the park on Tuesday.

None of it is enough. I realize that. I need to get back to walking every day and assuring that I am not the next faculty member to die because of a bad body. It is more than eating habits and exercise though. Stress plays a role as well. My life is teeming with stress moments. I’ve even put myself in bad positions by diving into games like Apex which can be fun but if you really let yourself get swept up, it becomes super stressful when you are not successful. I’m working on habits of mind to get me mentally right on a day to day basis, and trying to establish a daily life that prioritizes feeling good within my own skin and balanced to the point where I am taking time for myself and the ones I love.

All of this is progress of a sort. It isn’t the full picture, but I am making changes and inroads towards change. I want to live a long, healthy, and happy life.

I’ve been following a twitter account by Rich Obert. He’s a reporter for the AZ Central news website that covers local sports. He is also their guy for ranking players. 60 into the top freshman and I haven’t seen my kid. 100 into the top 150 upcoming seniors and I haven’t seen a few of the kids I know to be incredible players and playmakers from back in the day. It makes me wonder where he is getting his info.

Twitter (X), as I noted previously, is a dangerous place. Just take a look at the bottom right corner announcing what is trending. Right now that’s 218K posts that are about Guilty and 24K with the hastag SwiftiesforPalestine. The digital wilds out here for real. So I say this to argue that you cannot fully trust what drops on Twitter. Still, this is the only guy out here making these lists and being treated with gravitas, so what it is happens to be what it is. In other words, we gotta get on the list to get buzz.

One thing I’ve learned over the past 8 years is that the buzz is key. Colleges want good players. Colleges do their homework. Colleges only have time to see the people who catch their eye. Whether or not these accounts and these tourneys and all the off-season noise is enough to create a buzz is still unknown to me. What I do know is that you need to get the right people talking about you. I’ve yet to figure out how to make that happen for my kid. As a result, he is still an unknown.

Maybe it is for the best. Maybe he isn’t completely ready to be the guy yet.

Some Thoughts:

1. Dealing with some legit nerve issues in my neck that have me going tingly or even numb in places. Quite uncomfortable.
2. Completely off the subject, I loaded up Starfield and noticed some legit improvements. Might slide back in for a bit.
3. Also, why do dogs piss on outdoor furniture. You know we trying to sit on that!

Back in 19 I published a blog about perspective reality. Some of it went along these lines:

Merely shifting the angle at which we see something may change how we see that thing. Consider then how emotion can shape reality. I am writing this while watching DMV workers, merely an hour into their shift, approach critical mass. From my perspective their anger and apparent disgust towards customers feels like an overreaction. However, when I consider their perspective from behind the desk, I suspect there may be some legitimacy to that rage. See, I am seeing customer confusion and slow moving tendencies for the first time. They see it 4-5 days a week.

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It got me thinking this turnback tuesday, about how I see things. I mentioned the other day how I slow down and all but stop being physical when I am in this house. I cannot find a real reason for it. There are certainly opportunities to be active. My partner, the Lady Talis, wants to be active, yet I spend time sitting around all day and wondering why my nerve endings are shot.

This is unhealthy and nonsensical behavior. It is also the reality of the space as I perceive it. In terms of self-reflection there is a lot to unwind here. Most of the people in the house are leisure-driven; looking for the next youtube clip or anime or video game to give them purpose for that moment. I check into what they are doing more than I should. Instead of driving positive behaviors, I fall into the ease of negative ones (or at least negative to me in my place and time). So I need to realize how to make changes there. I need to realize how to understand the balance of time in the space as well, as I all too often worry that I am not spending the proper amount of time with my partner. In other words, I feel unavailable a lot, which draws me away from really locking in. Couple that with an inherent laziness and we are starting to talk about a lot of things here that need to be properly unwound.

This blog is a decent start.

I am learning how to channel an understanding of how I understand my reality and use that in order to create a better one for myself and my loves.

Some Thoughts:

1. I am learning to recognize that I have no time for selfish people. As I strive to achieve balance, I see selfishness more and more–especially in my children. I don’t have time for it. I don’t want to dedicate that much energy and effort to people who are merely takers. Where is the balance in that?
2. This comes at the end of a number of events and realized habits that has me thinking that it is long past time I stop overextending myself for people who are not going to be positive influences in my life.
3. I have yet to achieve that balance in life, but as with the personal understanding of reality it is helping me shape my world moving forward.

Among the things I wish to achieve in life is mastering the perfect cup of black coffee. This is elusive, as I am terrible with the maths anymore. However it is not only the so-called golden ratio that is a problem. That ratio doesn’t reflect my taste profile. Therefore I continue to hack the thing in a search for what is right. This more or less sums up my state of being. I continue to hack myself and my habits in search of what is right. I know now for instance that I am a morning person. I do very well in the early AM. 5-8 is golden, though it is unclear if that is simply a time of day or silence of house issue. The later it gets the more likely I am to fall into distraction and adopt the sedentary pose of the home. It is therefore best to get things done early… or not at all.

That brings me to this blogspace shortly before ten AM and shortly before I move into the heavy work phase of the day (which is before I finally get in that dang pool!). Learning is a lifelong process, so I am sure to learn more hacks and continue to reprogramming myself and my habits. Honestly, I am just grateful to be self aware enough to recognize what I am doing and what needs to be done.

Some Thoughts:

1. Watched a video today that appears to have been entirely created by AI. It was a top 5 mysteries video and the voice has the telltale signs of AI generation. The pics are unmistakably chat GPT. The weird ‘not language’ the system uses when trying to put words on the pics is evident. This is only going to become more of a thing. It tells me that the time for the Justice Engine is now.