2.113

Growing up black I quickly learned to abhor double standards. Yet those standards persisted. They still infect my life in many ways, including one which I am particularly vulnerable and sensitive towards. However, it is that standard that stands apart from the rest if only to help me understand the relationship between standards and expectations.

A double standard exists whenever two people perform the same or similar action and the expectations for one person are different from the other based on some arbitrary measurement like race, height, wealth, etc.

In my situation there is a double standard that I believe to be based on the depth of knowledge and closeness to an individual and how much one person matters in one way vs. how much another matters and in which way.

This is also a question that for me starts to tip into the idea of love and what love means. Of course you expect more from the people you love and you are supposed to think that way.

 

Some Thoughts:

  1. Mindfulness is a hard concept to maintain. Occasionally sadness gets the upper hand and you find yourself spinning and slipping. Still, mindfulness is always there to help you regain your footing. It just can’t always keep you from falling down.
  2. I’ve reached the point where coaching is far less about being passionate about what I’m doing for these kids and more about getting through the season and getting to retirement. The bullshit that surrounds coaching (including parents) has really been eye opening this season. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to see this side of the game and to know that there is no real lasting desire to make this part of my existence.
  3. The center of my existence is still what it has been for the better part of a half decade. Despite what is happening, I have no intention of changing that. I still worry that it will be forcefully, conditionally changed for me.