I go into casinos from time to time and late fate drag me around. I always pack light–20 maybe 40 dollars at most. It takes at least twenty for the trick to work. Here is how it goes: I’ll walk in and close my eyes for a second. Close my ears for a second. And I’ll just feel. Try this sometime. Stand there and think about something you want really badly and just feel. Back in the old times folks would use these things called divining rods. The rod would lead them one way or another. The human body is like that in a sense, if you listen.
So I listen with my skin and I’m pushed one way or the other and I walk in that direction, eyes finally open, ears finally open and just feeling the space. It leads me, eventually, to a specific game. It is never the same game, but it is a game that feels right. I sit down and within a couple pulls I’ve hit a minor jackpot.
Neat trick. The problem is understanding the rest of it. See, I know enough about myself and fate and will and ka to recognize how to get this far. I’m learning the rest. For example, when do you stop? I’m starting to get a handle on that too. It is a twinge, or change in mindset. I can feel it most of the time, that subtle shift at the top of the pendulum traveling down the length of the thing until what was a mere twitch becomes an enormous hammer swing down at the bottom where the real world exists. I can feel the twitch and my brain says, you’re about to lose everything and you need to walk away. I’ve never been much for listening to my brain in these moments, so I lose everything.
But I go back from time to time to feel that feeling and to know what’s coming and to recognize that I have the ability to stay on a path when I know it is right and jump off the path long before the train comes to knock me around–if I’m smart enough to get when the twitch says to be gettin. There’s a word for that feeling.