Day: January 5, 2024

Five days in I finally started thinking about a calendar. It should’ve come up before, but nothing before that felt actionable. In fact, the first five days of the new year felt more like a reflection of the past year: We have a bunch of stuff happening with the kids, we find some brief escape after, and we spend a few days recovering and looking for a new rhythm post escape’s return. It didn’t take long last year for me to realize how all that kept me off balance, but I convinced myself that being off balance was itself a type of balance, because I could predict what it would be like and adjust week to week. As I mentioned yesterday (or the day before) that quickly spiraled into a recognition of me not being centered at all in my life while half the people around me were completely rooted–be it in a nonsensical cycle or not.

So came the realization that I need a calendar. I need a way to moor myself to the dates and realize what is due and what is important and what I need to be focusing on day in and day out. I have what amounts to a daily organizational list, but it isn’t very good. It isn’t something I’ve locked into and decided that this i going to be my life. It also doesn’t reflect anything beyond the work I have to do or even the mental shifting required to handle each of those tasks. It is, however, a starting point–a jumping off moment from which I can actually build a day and from that day a week and from that week a month and so on. All of this can and should flower from the simple principle of what matters the most and what is it I am making time for and, what am I moving towards.

I finally have the answer to that last one. In 5 years time I want to begin publishing a series on Amazon. It will likely be a fantasy series, regardless of the honest fact that fantasy appears to be waning. I still have always wanted to publish these stories. So, I shall. Along with the five year plan, I will also be writing and pitching a science fiction novel that has mass commercial appeal. All of my plans moving forward will include these two major projects. So, I have a personal goal. Now I need to add to my familial ones…

I’m down to 236, which is 12 from when we began this journey yet roughly +1 since late last week. That tells me I’ve hit a plateau. This is the most dangerous time of the process–when you feel like you’ve been cooking but suddenly you’re not moving or worse going in the wrong direction. I have to hit a solid series of workouts over the next seven in order to break through and fight my way down to 34. I need 34 because I need 32 and so on. I need to keep the 2 a week going for as long as possible, because I am woefully unhealthy, and the longer I stay in this condition, the shorter my life becomes. This is mission critical stuff.

I spent a few blogs outlining the horrors of being overweight. I should point out that being over my weight is specific to me. I’m someone who is not good when I am at such a high BMI. My body and mind and already failing heart react poorly to the situation. I’ve been struggling as a writer since this has come to pass. I’ve lost so much creativity that I am nearly certain I don’t have the talent I used to have, and I hope to move back towards a level of where I was before. I have serious writing goals, but it all starts with being healthy.