Over the past few weeks I developed a weekly calendar, or more appropriately, a weekly checklist. The idea behind this concept is to create a list of things I need to do on a daily basis and continue growing in the process of deliberate practice. That term, which I borrow from Buddhism, means that I am mindful of these actions/activities and develop them into a routine that is the defining element of my life. Where I went wrong in this list is the heavy focus on work and self. Nowhere in this list of 12 is there a nod to developing routines with my partner or focusing on having meaningful conversations about where she is in her life. I think this is important to note, because while I don’t see myself as a selfish and self-centered individual, my actions and deliberate habits reveal me.
I am rewriting my daily. I am restructuring what I deliberately practice to reflect not only who I am and where I am but who I want to be and who I wish to ultimately become on this journey of self-improvement. Even the statement itself seems selfish until I reflect on why I am becoming more than what I am. The reason behind all of this is to become better for the people around me. If I am being 100% honest with myself, the easiest thing in life to do would be to sit in this bat-chair and zone out on internet material or bad TV until it was time to write something and then zone out on that until it is time to play some games and then zone out on that until I pass out. I find that when left to my own devices for too long, that is what happens. My motivations are limited. My larger motivations are an amalgam of what I want and what she wants and what I want generally leans towards making her happy and thus being happy myself.
I don’t know what the rewrite looks like. I know that I am ready to get to work.